December 23rd

Hey, I’m Jingle. If you’re reading this then you’re a nosy asshole and I respect you. But if I find out who you are I’ll shoot you and your wife.

Anyway, Christmas has been pretty rough this year. These kids have been little pricks and keep asking for more and more each year.

Who the fuck do they think we are? A charity?

Little Timmy’s in the shock of his life when he see’s that Santa gave his mommy toys too. Yeah a fucking dildo. What a classy chap.

The work shop ain’t what it used to be. Old Man Twinkle is now a pimp. He sells Strawberry Shortcake dolls to all the sexually pent up elf’s for around £50/$55 each.

He used to Jingle other people’s bells, if you get what I mean. But ever since Santa caught him he hasn’t been the same.

We start packing the sleigh tomorrow. Let’s hope all the shit fits and that the feminists don’t come after us for global warming or something.

December 24th

We packed the sleigh and Santa’s off. I can guarantee that handsy has fucked Mrs Clause at least five times already. I think everyone’s had a go on that bimbo. She’s had more rides then a fucking merry go round. Pretty sure that Rudolph’s had a rummage around in there. Red nosed fucker.

The kids all think his red nose is magic. I can tell you now that it’s bull shit. He was sniffing coke with Dancer and Prancer when some glow stick liquid got mixed up in there. His nose has been brighter than my ass ever since.

I can guarantee that most of those other jolly fuckers have written in their journals about the magic of Christmas. And the amazing feeling of making others happy. Well fuck that. The only thing that can deck my halls is snowflake, she mighty fine.

If you’re reading this snowflake then hit me up. Because I can guarantee some mother fucker, probably Cretin, will post this shit online.

Okay I’m gonna drop kick the baby reindeer, bye.