It tells me what the weather’s like

It brings me a thirst-quenching drink

It's a walking general knowledge quiz

It cleans my dirty sink.

It remembers all my family's birthdays

When my gas bill needs to be renewed

It waters all my garden roses

It cooks me al-la-carte food

It’s like a walking diary

It really is top notch

It’s got all the bells and whistles

And it’s battery goes non stop

It really is so helpful

It does everything for me

I don’t ever have a lift a finger

Or make a cup of tea.

I probably should not rely on it

It sort of rules my house

When I have my back turned

It goes as quiet as a mouse

One day it malfunctioned

While at the kitchen sink

It started throwing knives around

His cogs were on the brink

I really should get my money back

I could have nearly died

It tried to stab me in the heart

Before its motherboard went and fried.