To self destruct or to grow

Conflicted

Lost

Stuck

I don’t even know no more

Eyes

Self esteem

Feelings

All low

been high for months

Been numb for months

Maybe why I’m in a slump

But without the drugs I don’t feel much

I mean shit just last year I was on deaths door

By my own hands only survived by luck

Ungrateful or grateful shit you take a guess

Sober again already tryna escape stress

Tryna avoid this mess

More like neglect

But on bad days I give it the opposite affect

Instead of tryna reject I only get more obsessed

Narcissism or a sadistic mindset

So many questions with answers I’ll never get

Say I’m numb to it all but I’m just lying to myself