They say forgiveness is a virtue, but I’d rather keep my anger The lessons that come with playing nice I’m no stranger You learn really quick in life not to accept favors Most people got they own agenda and don’t care to put you in danger Some trauma I can’t talk bout Just thank my savior we made it out that house Lord knows it took a different type of patience to keep from crashin out
Promise moms I wouldn’t take the dummy route And not for nothing witnessed my homie lose his life to the system Only let off 3 rounds Still question what was going through his prism To throw it all away impulsively in a split second But who am I kiddin only a couple dumb decisions and me his living conditions be no different Jesus taught me forgiveness but the world taught me it can get real vicious Either lesson fits depending on the situation but just wish my homie had more awareness to clear his vision

The stars smiled upon us as if they knew we’d soon join them

Air still Vibez tense Stress immense Cold sweats Heavy breaths Start to wonder is this death Tightening around the chest Voice can’t project feels like a noose tightened around my neck Start to question then reflect Feelings of emptiness take effect Nothing to do but accept Stare at the stars realize I’m next Another lost soul in the cosmos Tryna share it’s light before it implodes And all that’s left is a black hole Question lies can I shine before I’m gone

If your hand could reach inside my heart what would you do with it?

Heal it or add more scars and bruises

Help put it back together or tear it into even more pieces

Would you fix or destroy Be my angel or demon

The questions rhetorical I gave you my heart and I haven’t seen it since

Guess it wasn’t a lie and more of a warning when you choose to love a part of you goes extinct

Hope is the bridge between despair and joy

Ima product of that statement

Tough times firm you up like the concrete that formed the pavement

Meaning they’re necessary

It’s more so the journey the destination starts becoming secondary

Without mistakes there’s no lessons.

Ignorance is bliss until you pass adolescence

Knowledge is the key to succeed

Learning and exploring your self will lead to future relief

Knowing yourself gon lead you down the right path

And ima hypocrite tried to forget my past

Only made me revert backwards

Stunted my own growth kept repeating the same chapters

Only 20 yrs old yet I’m preaching my pain like a pastor

Life ain’t no fairytale and dreams

no such thing as a happily ever after

It’s like a rollercoaster

Just gotta learn to deal with the motions

Had to unlearn self destructive habits And the right ways of coping

If not now just know one day you gon have to face those emotions

Take it from another person who’s broken

Hard to be this vulnerable had to learn how to open

And even then part of me would rather be voiceless

Rather suffer by my lonesome than seek some assistance

Is it pride

Is it ego

I’ll tell you once I end up on the other side

For now hopes what’s keeping me alive

To self destruct or to grow Conflicted Lost Stuck I don’t even know no more

Eyes Self esteem
Feelings All low been high for months Been numb for months Maybe why I’m in a slump But without the drugs I don’t feel much I mean shit just last year I was on deaths door By my own hands only survived by luck

Ungrateful or grateful shit you take a guess Sober again already tryna escape stress Tryna avoid this mess More like neglect But on bad days I give it the opposite affect Instead of tryna reject I only get more obsessed Narcissism or a sadistic mindset So many questions with answers I’ll never get Say I’m numb to it all but I’m just lying to myself

Its dark in here I’m sinking yet i feel no fear I’m burning i can feel my rage is near Vision blurred by crystal clear tears Flooding my face each one hurts As they attempt they’re escape I’m tired I’m running off of nothing Chaos is corrupting my mind I’m numb beyond understanding More drugs falling under my consumption But why? to feel or not to feel? I’m not computing the question Really I’m indecisive Honestly i lost track of it Evade my reflection all I feel is self repulsion This ball of mixed emotions has me moving impulsive

I regret the actions i made Really i dont i just regret the pain i caused Clearly printed on their face I get my life saved but my freedom taken away Was it to no avail i cant truly say Gave me clarity in the most painful of ways I want my freedom but I’m constabtly being told to wait I start accepting the fact that I really do need to change Somehow i catch a lucky break But was it luck? i returned right back the environment that contributes to my pain After the limited happiness washes away i realize its all the same

Its dark in here I’m sinking yet i feel no fear I’m burning i can feel my rage is near Vision blurred by crystal clear tears Flooding my face each one hurts As they attempt they’re escape I’m tired I’m running off of nothing Chaos is corrupting my mind I’m numb beyond understanding More drugs falling under my consumption But why? to feel or not to feel? I’m not computing the question Really I’m indecisive Honestly i lost track of it Evade my reflection all I feel is self repulsion This ball of mixed emotions has me moving impulsive

You’re really my heart I pray to god it don’t get torn apart I call you my everything Cuz I’m obsessed You know you’re my remedy When I’m upset I got bad codependency And I know it’s unhealthy And baby I’m sorry it’s true Without your attention or presence I start feeling blue You’re always on my mind that’s why I’m stuck writing rhymes all bout you

I’m scared to get attached but when it came to you I said fuck it and never looked back Cuz for you I’m taking that risk You got my heart on lock Just pray you don’t change and abuse it Cuz for you I’d do anything Honestly when it comes to love I get real stupid

I will not walk this earth without you I really can’t that task is too impossible Never met someone who felt so compatible It’s crazy how compared to anyone I know your so different Yet so relatable We really twinning That’s why it hurts me when I know that your hurting And I know that you deserve the world I hope maybe I can help you obtain it Cuz your always giving yourself to others Without them returning the favor But I hope with me it can be a 2 way street You know I’m here for you whenever you need me Never switching up even when times get tough Sounds like I’m saying my vows Really I’m just speaking my heart Cuz you done thawed it out When I thought it was frozen shut I’m forever grateful that You taught me how to love

The birds crow a weeping melody, trees clean of leaves I know it might feel hard to I don’t know but just breathe in real slow Exhale out the pain as the wind blows lèche-vitrine I’ll always be watching you as though I’m shopping from the window And I know I’m wrong But I hope that’ll ease the actions I’ve done I know I’m gone and I’m the reason for your tears mom I wish I showed you I love you more You’re beyond loved Appreciated Valued And idolized But instead I’ve left you torn Because my idol slowly took the gentleness away from my eyes And in return added fuel for the demon’s residing in my mind My love is perceived by some At surface level to be warm But like a Rose looks can be deceiving And the end result is scars left from thorns My loves toxic But it must be genetic mom Because so was yours So please wipe your tears and listen to The birds crow a weeping melody, trees clean of leaves
As your heart like the winter breeze starts to freeze My apologies That toxic part you instilled in me Doesn’t want to see you grieve Rather your heart bleed to misery For all the pain that I’ve received

I want to feel, I want to know. I want to love, I want to grow

I want honesty, I wanna know if you can keep it real at all times possibly. I want trust, I want an unbreakable bond ride or die loyalty.

I want to learn to love, I wanna be attached safely I want to lose my codependency, I want to stop getting hooked to my emotions like drugs But without em I feel empty

Fuck it It is what it is Heart scarred got no more love to give Just cope with the green And numb all my feelings So high I can’t feel my demons Brain driving me to the point of insanity I’m losing my reasoning But I’m still putting up a fight for the team It’s so hard need some eternal sleeping Please stay the fuck away Can’t breathe anxiety tweakin Rollin trees and poppin p’s Seems like the only remedy The help me feel some relief When I’m sober I never get to leave My head I’ve been taken into captivity Feels like I’ll never get released

Yea I’m trapped don’t know long I’ll last wrapped up in these chains that are controlling my brain and keeping me behind bars mentally Cuz I’m tired of dealing with these mental illusions it’s driving me to delusion I would ask for help but I feel more comfortable in seclusion seems like I’ll never escape that’s my conclusion cuz see I’m more vocal in these rhymes I write when I should be more social with the people in my life but seems like I can’t speak my mind and I don’t know why cuz every time when I’m about to say something I truly feel what comes out is usually nothing it’s like something holding me back in reality it’s myself and my fears What if I open up and I get the response I don’t want to hear see that’s my problem I’m not good with confrontation I’d rather keep to myself and deal with the pain I’m feeling I’m trying to escape my thoughts cuz when I get lost I end up in a realm where I gotta face my demons and I’m fighting back but I feel too overwhelmed and I just can’t take it no more I’ve been past my breaking point for too long Just like a caged bird I cope through singing healing songs In hopes it’ll mend a broken soul that’s too far gone