“Let’s get out there and make this the best game this season! I want you all to focus now and really put your hearts into this game! Everybody on three!” Coach reaches out his hand into the center of our huddle.

“One, two, three! Ravens! Fight!” We all shout in unison, giving me the goosebumps I love. The ones that travel down your back and spread out to your limbs.

The team heads for the door but I linger back near the lockers. I sit down on the bench and pretend to tie my shoe again. As soon as Devon is out the door, I lean back and look around.

This is it. Today is the final game of my last season at Clarmont Prepatory. I will never get the chance to sit in the team’s locker room as a player again. Football has been my life for these past four years.

This sport has taught me so much about myself and my team. I finally felt at peace in my body and found a home with my teammates. Now that’s done and the terror of the unknown has such a grip on me.

I glance around at the lockers, looking at our last names labeling each one. Those will be removed after the game, win or lose, we’ll be taking down our names to make way for the next teams to come in.

“Hey! Are you coming or-“ Raj shouts through the door but stops suddenly when he sees my face.

“Daniel?” He slowly makes his way through the door towards my bench.

“I’m okay,” I mumble. “I just-“ I sigh loudly and promptly word vomit my fears to my boyfriend of a year and a half.

“I just can’t believe this is all over. I can’t believe we’ll never get to play another game on this field. In just a few short months, I’m leaving to Cornwall College and you’re going to the University of Oxford. Everything is changing. We’re changing.”

Raj sits down on the bench next to me and reaches out to hold my hand.

“Hey. We talked about this! We’re only four hours away from one another. We’ll make the time to see each other. You and I both know it won’t be easy but it’ll be so worth it! A few years separated means we can come back together stronger than before. We can do this!”

He says it all with such conviction I’m almost convinced he means it and honestly that’s going to have to be enough for now. We won’t know the reality of our relationship until we’re in different areas. I know this and truly that’s not why I’m struggling because I know Raj and I will be okay. I know I love him more than life. I just don’t know how to give up the team and the sport that has brought me so many good things in life.

“You’re right. I know you’re right,” I mumble as I squeeze his hand. “I think I’m just so sad to say good bye to football. Who am I without my uniform? Without the team?”

“Well, you’re the future CEO of an international company,” Raj chuckles as he bumps my shoulder. “You’re a future Cornwall graduate. You’re the best human I know and you’ll still be him without football but I want you to look around.” He glances around the locker room with me.

“You’re missing this right now. You’re missing your last game with me and the team. Let’s worry about the sadness and the nostalgia tomorrow. Let’s get out there and make this game count. I don’t want to miss this with you.”

I smile softly and stand up, pulling his hand with me so he stands.

“Thank you,” I whisper as I lean in for a hug. “You always know what to say to snap me out of it.”

“Of course,” he says while squeezing my back with just enough pressure to let me know I’m loved. “I want you to know we will mope about losing football tonight but first, I need us to crush this other team!”

I laugh and head out the door, leaving behind my fears for the future and sorrow for my loss.