You told me once

That you felt

Like the butt of everyone else’s joke

A jester

Meant to entertain

And you did

But a mockery

Is something you made

Of yourself

To feel loved.

So don’t blame the crowd

When they laugh

At your foolishness

While you put on a show

Displaying

What you think

Of yourself

To feel seen.

You won’t see me

Standing in the crowd

Laughing

I suspect you know that

Or you wouldn’t have

Revealed to me

The punchline

Of yourself

To feel heard.

By someone

Who saw the hurt

And knows how clowns cry

Behind tearless eyes

Silently

While everyone else

Gets to laugh at the joke

Of yourself

To feel nothing.

Of their own pain

To avoid the spotlight

Looking in

And you let them

Have all the fun

Because no one should

Carry the burden inside

Of yourself

To feel safe.

Because under thick skin

You were only ever

Crumbling

And hiding

From what you might find

In the silence

Afraid of the thoughts

Of yourself

© pennomoly