and when i start to think about him i can’t stop i can’t ever stop thinking and feeling and-

i decide i need a distraction.

i take off my clothes piece by piece and try to convince myself that every layer i take off is another layer of thought and emotion and whirlwind and stress and exhaustion taken off my body.

i fail.

the faucet turns easily, and i watch as water drip drip drips down the drain. i turn it all the way to the left, the hottest it can go, and i sit.

i sit in the tub until the scalding hot water surrounds every inch of my body and the pain is so extreme that i forget my own name. i let myself slip under the surface for a second, just one indifferent moment, and escape.

i escape to a place where he doesn’t exist and i don’t know where love feels like. i escape to a place where i never heard my name roll off the feathers that are his lips. i let the bubbles rise around me until the water is no longer hot.

i push my head up and out of the water, gasping in breaths of air. it was good to focus on the pain — the feeling of the boiling water around me, making me numb, the popping of my lungs inside my chest underneath my skin.

sometimes it’s nice to forget for awhile. it’s nice until you remember the painstakingly cruel reality that you’re trying to forget.

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idk why i posted this. probably for feedback. i know i dont have a lot of character development because this is just something i randomly decided to write and im wondering if it could be a part of a novel. i dont even know im sorry if this sucks