(Tw: Sad/death)

He sat there on the hotel bed, his heart beat silenced.

His beautiful blue eyes became dark, he was on the ground staring into my soul, he was dying. I sat there, wondering _why me?_ But there was nothing I could do.

His freckles shinning in the light, it was _his_ time to come home.

I sobbed there, watching the life fleet out of him, could I have done something more helpful, could I have been more of service to him.

My heart ripped into two pieces, a lump placed in my throat, my cries pushing me over the edge.

I can’t do this not without him. Not without—the one who help raise our kids—the one who helped me—who loved _me_.

“I love you,” I begged. Please stay with me. _Please_.

My heart began beating harder, I couldn’t breathe he was gone.

I got a call—my _kids—_what was I gonna say.

My heart throbbed, what about there little hearts. I _couldn’t. I can’t. _

__

I mustered up enough courage. “Hey girls.”

“Hey mommy!” They shouted, laughter ringing in their room.

“Is daddy okay?” They said, quieting down.

“Uhh,” I paused, my cries burning to come out. “He passed.” _Nobody_ was here.

They all started crying too. Mi-Mi said she’d take them first thing in the morning… _what do i do? _

__

“Can you put grandma Mi-Mi on the phone?”

“Yes,” they said, then handed her over.

I let her know, and they were heading out in 10 minutes.

“My love,” I said, my head bowed by him.

“I love you, I will—always love… _you_.”

I remembered when he first got diagnosed with cancer, we thought we was going to have a while. At least he looked fine, even the docters thought so too. Little did I know he’d be dying in the hotel bed, they did nothing for him, tried nothing, but gave up on _my_ love.

I couldn’t focus straight, I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t do anything.

I barley woke up—to my kids being there, we all said goodbyes, and even prepared for the funeral. It was hard to let him go—but I didn’t necessarily have to, _yet_.