Attn: this started as the prompt but turned into something completely different.

7 years old.

I am a seven year old boy.

I love my dad because he gets me new toys.

I hate leaving my toys because I have to be a schoolboy.

School stinks so I sneak in my gameboy.

17 years old

I still have love for my action figures and gameboy.

But I’m older now.

I’m in high school wow.

Time with toys replaced with new friends, one says he’s from the Indian tribe that is Iroquois.

The other kid, he’s new and just moved here from Illinois.

Seems like a lifetime ago that I was in elementary.

Cutting class to smoke weed in the cemetery.

Because it has many points of entry.

Can’t get caught slipping and wind up in the penitentiary.

I rebel to escape a home life filled with treachery.

Disgusted at the sight of me.

Is my father, ashamed to stand next to me.

The path I currently walk lacks structure and has no clear directory.

It seems no one in my life cares to help me alter my spiraling trajectory.

32 years old

It’s been quite some time but after 32 years I still hold on that kid inside.

32 years later I still speak to my inner child when I feel unloved and petrified.

Dreams and aspirations derailed by substance abuse.

Slowly killing me like long acting cyanide.

Standing by my mothers cremated graveside.

Leaves me teary and glassy eyed.

No longer will I point fingers at my father who always hurt and made me cry.

The behavior has never changed I’m just no longer surprised.

At surface value, I present strong and fortified.

I’m really just broken, shattered, and recently hospitalized for attempting suicide.

Return of the rational thoughts.

And for 10 years there’s always been a reason for me to stay alive.

I thank therapy for keeping me sane mentally.

No need to end my life senselessly.

Prematurely sentenced with the death penalty.

Despite the damage you’ve bestowed upon me.

I still love you with high intensity.

You gave me the chance to right your wrongs.

To have that bond of father and son chemistry..