Happy.

Too devoid of meaning or too full of meaning, I do not know

But everyone has a sense of what it feels like.

I thought I’d never be happy again

Still most days-

Though years later-

I feel the deep ache.

Of loss and betrayal and broken vows.

I look at my kids and see your features reflected back.

And remember

I did love you.

But our happiness was fleeting.

In anger I found community

In solitude I found god

In losing you I found myself

You got the life you wanted

And in picking up the pieces of my shattered life I grew stronger

The shards no longer cut my calloused fingers

I rebuild

Without you

But this time, with more of me:

In a way, this is a happy ending for the both of us.