Splash, pull lift, Splash pull lift.
The muscles in my back ache as I paddle furiously. It’s started raining on the lake, pelting against my bright yellow rain jacket. I hear the motors behind me. The boats will be closing in any minute now. I can feel the blisters on the hands about to break open, but I can’t stop now.
Splash, pull, lift Splash, pull, lift
My ragged breathing echoes in my ears, heart pounding in my chest. I have to get to the safe house. They’ll never find me there.
When I met you, you stuck in my mind Across from me at the table, quiet but kind.
-I hardly remembered who you were I thought it was odd-a friend request, from her?
You rolled up in a cutoff tank riding your bike I met you with a greeting, an exclamation, but you were like-
-Oh it’s G, right? Unsure as to why I’d hugged you on sight
I remembered you. -I didn’t know I was supposed to
But now it’s years later and we laugh as we think Funny how friends become partnered in but a blink.
Happy. Too devoid of meaning or too full of meaning, I do not know But everyone has a sense of what it feels like.
I thought I’d never be happy again Still most days- Though years later- I feel the deep ache. Of loss and betrayal and broken vows. I look at my kids and see your features reflected back. And remember
I did love you. But our happiness was fleeting.
In anger I found community In solitude I found god In losing you I found myself You got the life you wanted And in picking up the pieces of my shattered life I grew stronger The shards no longer cut my calloused fingers I rebuild Without you But this time, with more of me: In a way, this is a happy ending for the both of us.
I’ve been trapped for longer than I can remember. Living off the basics I could find. A steady job. A happy home. I have my routine. Each day is the same- wake up, breakfast, work, talk, dinner, bed. Rinse, repeat, repeat, repeat. But something sinister lurks around every corner. And I’m getting to a point where I very soon may die. Or this version of me, at least. You see, I am hungry. Starving, even, for true sustenance. Some thing that will fill me with light and meaning. Something to break me out of theirs Hunter-gatherer cycle. I need to feel alive again. One day. I’m surviving for now. But one day I will thrive.
What should’ve been a blip in time Stretches out in my mind Sunrise swirls into the clouds Low tide reveals the pebble studded sand My hand in yours. We walk, skipping rocks across the glassy surface We didn’t know the future How much harder And how much sweeter Live would become For then, I was Grateful Time had never passed so slowly.
Brains in jars. Suspended in fluid, floating aimlessly, bumping into each other every now and then to make A connection. That’s how I think of us sometimes But we’re bigger than that. We’re whole universes Dazzling stars and galaxies stretching on into inky black infinity. Whole stories unfolding rapidly Splashing colors onto pages Thoughts into actions But we hide. So stuck in our own heads All these worlds inside others to explore. Just a moment away. We just need a nudge. A word. A hello. A smile. To peer inside another galaxy.
I think about this sometimes. When I try to trace my origins back Deep intro he recesses if my brain. I go back farther and farther, trying to find an anchor to connect to, So much so that I float up and out of myself. Out into the ether, up above the earth Into the stars. Just observing. Taking in the lives below me. Disconnected. But what about before this space? Before the great blue marble and the stars around me? Was it all light? Was it only darkness? Or maybe a time full of flexibility. The universe still forming itself. Swirling in an array or fun house mirrors. Just as a concept begins to take a familiar shape, it morphs into another vision.
