Maybe –

Maybe I feel alone

In a crowded room

Where I am nothing –

But included

I know that I –

Am not beautiful

Or stunning –

Nothing above pretty

Yet I never go unnoticed

And I don’t understand why

And maybe in this crowded room

I feel lonely –

Because I know I don’t fit in

Everyone has a better friend

Than I could ever be

Someone to share

Their oldest memories

And that is someone

I could never be

And I know I feel like a burden

Wanting to run outside

Into the waiting night

To never be seen again

Because sometimes

The warm embrace of the –

Cold empty night

Is the only thing

That can make me feel alright

And maybe that’s a problem

Wanting to run so far

That no one can see me anymore –

And maybe

Maybe I do stare at the crowds

With a yearning deep inside

A yearning

That’s desperately wants to be –

Included

But that would include

Swallowing my pride

Straightening my spine

And walking over –

Because I know I would be welcomed

Arms open

And embraced

But I don’t think I’m ready yet

I still need my space –

I still need to know

That I can flee

Into the darkest part

Of my own mind

So I can be –

Alright

Maybe –

Maybe I do know

That this drives people away

At the end of the day

And maybe I know

That –

Maybe I know

That my own worst enemy

Is me

But just because I know

Doesn’t mean I can stop

The feeling of being an outcast

The feeling of being a burden

And the feeling of being

Completely unwanted

No matter what I do or say

Because maybe –

That is mostly what I knew

When I was growing

When I was learning

When I was hoping

Maybe I was bred to be

The ugly duckling

Of an extended family –

An extended family

Who spewed words of hate –

And loathing

Words

That in the end

Made me feel broken

The broken empty shell

Of someone I never wanted to be

And maybe at the end of the day

That’s all I’ll ever achieve

Maybe –

That’s the war I’ll wage

Until my dying breath

Escapes from my body

Like a refugee from war

Coming home