I did not just hear him right. This is my dehydration talking, this whole conversation is a figment of my imagination.

I stare at Tate, as my body catches up with my brain. A losing battle. My chest heaves as I struggle to keep my rising pulse steady as he had commanded.

“Thought you’d be an ass man” I attempt to sound mocking but instead my words come out breathy.

He swallows before considering his response, his eyes now heavy, the silver once there, now nowhere to be seen. He swipes his tongue across his lower lip, leaving them glistening.

I should look away. I really should.

“Exceptions”, he says in a deep tone that leaves me eager for him to expand on his meaning.

I pull my vest back over my breasts, mortification fills me as I peer down at them, my nipples pierce through my vest as though they could cut glass. Will he put two and two together?

I shift uncomfortably, dragging my gaze back to his eyes to find them on me, burning me with their intensity.

“Will you not be cooler in your shirt?” He grunts, sounding almost pained.

“It’s velvet, of course not,” I respond, as though it’s ovbious, because it is, he knew this.

“what did you first think of me, first impression?,” Tate asks after a short while.

His head is slightly averted, he doesn’t fully meet my gaze. Is that? No it can’t be. He’s nervous.

My shock is clearly evident on my face as he says, ”I’m serious I wanna know, Alyssa.”

I snort laugh, failing to conceal my humour. “Since when do you care what anyone thinks of you Tate?” I state bluntly, he can be so confusing. I half missed his arrogance at least that was slightly easier to read. His eyes glint with amusement at my statement.

“Humour me,” he smirks, tugging on his lower lip.

I blow out a breath contemplating my answer, god what did I think? It was that long ago. But I can’t kid myself, i remembered every second of our first interaction. Pathetic I know.

“Honestly? You were dismissive. I was new, you’d been at the hospital for 3 years before me. I would’ve appreciated a warmer welcome.

But, as we got used to each other you improved I suppose.” I struggle to meet his eyes as I finish my sentence, but I have to see his reaction.

Confusion takes place on his face briefly, before he quickly replaces it with neutrality.

“I can’t say I'm surprised, I was a dick. I shouldn’t have been so hostile , you’re right you were new you didn’t need me giving you shit. It really is just my humour though, I mean well. But I thought, maybe you received me better than just that though.” He admitted, a little too seriously for the already tense atmosphere.

“I’m not saying everything I thought, your ego is full to the brim. I just don’t understand why you insist on reminding me you’re not interested in me, what are you afraid is gonna happen? I’ll fall in love with you?” I laugh, trying to lighten the conversation.

He doesn’t share my humour, his face remains neutral, he assesses me.

“Say everything, Alyssa. You have my word, I won’t make a remark.” He says , a little too stern for my liking. I hate that he did this to me, had this effect, I want to be the one flustering him. Have him stutter because of me. But I’ll have to keep dreaming until that moment.

I nod, accepting he won’t give in until I tell him. I think hard, I think back to that moment when we first met, I was a junior doctor, I’d been situated to shadow him for a short while.

“You were..intense. You did everything, sort of stiff, how procedural you were about everything. But you were funny Tate, I don’t want to admit how much, but if we’re sharing truths here, you made a lot of hard days bareable. It could be a dark place sometimes, and you made it a little less.. well dark. I didn’t mind that you payed me no attention to be honest, I accepted it, but you unintentionally became my crutch. If I was anxious of a decision to be made, I’d imagine I were you. You had so many faults Tate my god, your arrogance, your stubbornness. But I could never fault you when it came to your ability to show up, you were a dick, but you never hesitated to help me. You flooded my mind much more than I’d like and care to admit but , what do I have to lose? You’ve said your worst I suppose. This isn’t a confession of love Tate, don’t worry. But I suppose what I’m saying is, thanks for being my crutch. Don’t get me wrong, I got where I am today because of me. But, it was nice having you there sometimes.” I breathe, half relieved I’d finally admitted that to Tate, to myself actually.

Shocked wasn’t the word I could use for the expression currently exhibiting on tates face, a meagre word in comparison. His eyebrows drew together, his lips parted a fraction. His eyes..well I’d be yet to successfully read them.

“Ah fuck you're in love with me aren't you?” he posed as a question but his tone made it more of a statement.

“Tate.. What no? Of course I'm not. God you're an arrogant dick, I tell you all of those things and you focus on the part that strokes your ego.” I attempted to sound angry, when in reality all I felt was an intense hurt. I turned away from him, he cannot see me cry. I can’t believe I’d be so naive.

‘He wasn’t gonna console you Alyssa’, I told myself.

This is who he is. Arrogance personified.

Shock filled me as I felt his fingers grip my chin, forcing me to meet his stare. It was so rapid I could barely process what was happening, but it was so..gentle.

But before I could indulge in the heat of his touch it was gone quicker than it came.

The cold absence of him chilled me.

“Alyssa I’m joking, look at me, stop this. Stop relying on me. You are who you are and have achieved what you have because of you. No one else, especially not me. But, and this will only be said once, so don’t go thinking I have a heart, hearing you say those things about my affect on you, mean alot. More than I can articulate, I don’t do emotional shit okay? But just know I appreciate it, I’m glad I did those things for you. Since you’ve been so truthful with me, it’s only fair I do the same. I know you think I’m arrogant, a dick. Okay I am, but I keep you at arms length for a reason. This job, it’s hardened me, I can’t be what you need Alyssa. And I’m not going to pretend, it’s not fair on either of us.” He huffs, stroking his chin, pacifying himself. Our eyes find each other, we stay silent for a long while as our truths hang in the air.

“Well I guess that’s that then.” I say, a half whisper, resigned from the conversation. I had no clue what to say, the last thing he would want is for me to console him.

“No go on, what are you thinking?” He says, intrigue and concern in his tone.

“ I don’t even know Tate, I just had this idea in my head of who you were, I was so wrong. Just strange to see this Side of you I guess, this open. I like it.” I admit, pulling my hair from my face, he watches my movement with precision.

“ Well don't get used to it, I can't be soft, or gentle, Alyssa.” he revealed, with a certitude.

The cool coldness usually found in his silver hues held something else, scrutiny, as though he was trying to work me out.

“Who said I wanted you to be gentle?, and drop the act I don't need immature remarks, if you want me, be man enough to say it, don't run from it,” I stated, firmly.

Astonishment took over Tate's eyes, I didn't miss the admiration sweeping over his face. My belly swirled with a rush that I had incited this reaction within him. I internally did a happy dance, as he watched me.

“Such bold words for a virgin, hm? Fine no remarks, but I won’t hesitate to be truthful for your comfort.” He leaned forward a fraction, I couldn’t be certain if he had even meant to. Either way, I wanted to _bathe_ in that cologne of his.

“Oh yeah how’d you figure that one out? Fine by me, I think it’s you who needs comfort, Tate. I’m managing just fine.” I fucking wasn’t, I prayed he couldn’t spot my heart racing, I don’t know why the virgin comments always got me flustered. I wasn’t embarrassed as such, but it was just such an intimate observation for him to make.

He shrugged a shoulder before continuing,

”call it intuition..” he leaned closer, leaving only inches between us. He surveyed my face closely, studying me. He bought his hand up towards me, with purpose, I didn’t stop the movement. Not even as it made contact with my skin, he traced my collarbone, a feather-like touch, and yet it still singed my skin.

Keep your pulse steady for fucks sake.

As I inhaled deeply to slow my pulse, his eyes flicked to mine, either way it looked fucking bad for me.

_He knew._

_“_Call it knowing _you. _It was an observation I made long ago. On occasion our hands would skim the others fractionally, and do you think I missed the way you shivered?

The way I bought heat to your cheeks if I stared at you a little too long, a little too intensely_. _See, i have reason for my arrogance.” He leaned even closer to me, his mouth now at my neck, just above the skin, so close I wasn’t sure if his lips were on me or not. “It’s cos I’m fucking good at what I do,” he stated, with a hunger to his voice that had arousal stirring deep within my stomach. The intensity of his tone tripled by his nearness to my body.

And then he fucking let go, my resolve snapped with it, he bought his lips to my neck with a passion my body _craved._

No, not yet, I’m not losing my control before he does. He won’t get me this easily.

“You were older and intimidating that's all, you’re confused tatey,” I stated, impressed with myself at how uninterested I had managed to make myself sound.

Tate paused his pleasurable assault on my neck, now meeting my gaze. Fuck.

His eyes were nothing but **hunger.**

**I** swallowed at the very sight of him, “That so?” he questioned, clearly not believing a word that had just come out of my mouth. He watched me as he neared my face again, before dipping back down to my neck.

I needed to get a grip of myself, my neck was a weakness, and my arousal would soon be evident if he continued.

He pressed his lips to my neck with slow hot kisses. I resisted squirming at the sensation.

Fuck this feels too good.

As if reading my mind, he did the unthinkable, blurring my thoughts into mush. Slowly but deliberately he included his tongue into his kisses, massaging it against my throat in mind numbing movements.

My cheeks had to be scorched with fervour at this point, my pulse thumping so quickly I feared he could hear it.

He stopped.

He brought his gaze back to mine once again, not a flicker of colour left in his eyes.

_He wanted this too._