i have prepared for this. i’m ready. i wore my perfectly pressed, easy-to-move-in, navy blue pantsuit for this moment. i ate a good breakfast and only had one cup of coffee. i freshened up with a mint and have been sipping water just enough so that i don’t have to pee but my throat isn’t dry. i am ready.

i stand up from my chair in the university library and make my way to the fourth floor, the stairwell labled with signs that say “BE QUIET” “STUDY HALL” “PHONES MUST BE ON SLIENT” the higher you go in the library the quieter you have to be. reaching the fourth floor i take in a breath and walk into the expansive hallway stretching all the way to a normal looking door at the end. there is a small blue piece of paper to my right that has the words “dissertation defense presentations” haphazardly written on it with an arrow pointing down the hallway. you would think the signage would be more substantial considering how much of a formal affair defending one’s dissertation is.

staring down the door i continue walking closer, looking down at my watch 4 more minutes until my allotted time. behind that door lies a panel of doctors who will determine if i’m cut out to have those three little letters after my name. behind that door holds 6 hours of presentation, discussion, question and answer, verbal analysis of what i have put my blood sweat and tears into for the past 6 years. behind that normal looking door with a small “active presentations, do not interrupt” taped to it holds my entire future.

taking one last breath i reach out grabbing the handle and walk into the most important day of my career.