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There are so many people in the world

But yet I’m alone on the sidelines

Because no matter how hard I try

No matter how many people I try to please

I don’t fit in with a single one of them

Even when I’m surrounded by others

I feel like I’m so separate from them

I’m invisible to every single one of them

So I try to make them see me by standing out

Dress up in costumes and wear make up

Because if I look weird, they’ll stare at me

They’ll look and see that I’m there

So maybe along the way I made a few friends

But when they’re not directly there, I’m still alone

That lonely feeling may have seemed harmless at first

But it turns out it wasn’t harmless at all

That not fitting in made me think I wasn’t good enough

Even when I did make some friends

And I lost some sleep because of it

I was really stressed and unsure

There was a cure, however it wasn’t good

If emotion distress was in the way

Override the part of the brain that deals with it

Give physical pain so the emotional pain will disappear

That worked I finally got rest

All it took was a needle I had in my room

I stopped doing that cause it wasn’t healthy

And I started feeling better emotionally

My two close friends knew what I did

I stopped partially because I promised I would

Lately more of the bad feelings are back

Yesterday was really really bad

I had to step away from a group activity

Because I felt like I was suffocating in that room

I made the excuse I was going to the bathroom

But instead, I just sat on the stairs

I felt like I could breathe once I was alone

I was still hurting though and didn’t know how to fix it

My arm felt kind of strange in the way I can’t explain

And I was alone and I was safe

I didn’t have anything with me that I could use

So I used my fingernails to dig into my skin

I was there for maybe four minutes

Then I had to go back, but this time I had a smile

Pretending that everything was ok

Today I took a mental health day

Of course they don’t call that

You just say that you’re not gonna show up

I slept all day and feel a lot better

Tomorrow things go back to normal

I’ll be just another person in the crowd

Feeling more alone then when I’m by myself

But everything will be ok I just need to be patient

Cause one day I’ll be part of the crowd