This only felt right. Being alone at a time like this. When most would be surrounded by their loved ones, or at least in a bed, comfortable. Where they would spend their final days thinking about the life they lived, and rejoicing or regretting their decisions.

Regret.

Did you have any regrets. Have you done enough in life to be allowed to regret anything. Was it possible to regret not regretting. Or was that too redundant. Maybe having no regrets was a good thing, something to be proud of even.

That’s a new feeling, pride. You’ve never really been proud of yourself for anything. I guess it’s never too late to start. You softly chuckled at your own joke. Grimacing from the pain the small movement made. You sighed and opened your eyes for the first time since you had regained consciousness. It was earlier in the day then you had initially assumed. There was still enough light to discern your surroundings, but not for much longer.

You were in what seemed to be a small ditch. The branch of a tree peeking into your vision from the side. The pastel colors of the early evening sky calming you, as if lulling you to sleep. You began thinking about the last time you truly looked at the sky. It was the worst day of your life, the day you learned you were alone. It was also the day you decided to stop being afraid of dying, since you knew you wouldn’t be missed.

That was 4 years ago, and you had lived your life with the acceptance of dying alone. You moved, changed your number and rebuilt your life from scratch. You even made sure to not get to close to anyone, to avoid the pain later. Everyone knew you as the lone wolf. Strong and independent, knowing exactly what you wanted from life.

Fearless.

None of that mattered now. Because in this moment, for the first time since that day, you felt the cold grip of fear. You felt the need to have someone close, to hold your hand. To tell you everything would be okay. To tell you they would miss your presence, and your energy. To ease your anxiety about the legacy you were leaving behind. To tell you that they loved you.

You continued to look at the darkening sky as your vision began to blur with tears. Your breathing becoming labored as you cried. Making the promise, that given another chance you would live a better life. After a few moments you decided to close your eyes. Wanting to feel like you were just going to sleep. As the sun finally set and the final tears rolled down your face, you took your last breath. Your final thought being that next time would be different.

Next time.