Brenda slowly lifted the lid off the box. Already the mood of the room had shifted. It was that time of Christmas Day, when all the patience and joy of the morning had slowly weaned off and been replaced by alcoholic intolerance. Now, as the sun sets outside and everyone slowly begins to drift into a food coma, Brenda decides it’s time for a board game.

“Fucking hell Brenda!”

Is what I would yell if I could move my face. Because I know what’s coming. And because Brenda just never seems to learn. Or maybe she just secretly loves to watch us all remember why we don’t see each other the rest of the year. We hate each other. That’ll become clear soon after the first dice has been rolled. We remember that we are related to cheats, to those who treat monopoly like the olympics, and to children who think that this exercise is a game. It’s not.

Slowly I roll off the armchair onto the floor. I eye the door. “I don’t have to play this time” I mutter. I can leave whilst I still have a smidge of respect for these people. I drag my stuffed body across the floor. Digging my nails into the floorboards trying desperately to make it into the hallway before it’s too late. I see others eyeing my attempt. A glint of pride glistening in their pupils.

But I was too late. Brenda had seen me. I should’ve known I’d never make it. The woman will never be happy until we’re all miserable. Who’ll be the dog?” She called. Shit. I still can’t believe she’d hit that low. She knows I can’t let anyone else play the dog. That’s MY piece.

“I will” I welped and collapsed face down onto the floor. She had done it again.