I don’t want to live, that’s the truth, and you will rarely hear something as special as the truth in this world. But honestly I don’t want to live. Most people want to. For most people that is the reason of there existence. But for me I’m only here to survive nothing more nothing less. I know I could say that I do, but I don’t. It’s hard want to live when you barley want to survive. I’ve tried all the “just try harder” or “ get out more” “talk to your friends” I’ve tried, I’ve tried it all nithing is ever enough uts all too little too late. The people who are trying to help are only helping because they don’t want my blood in there hands when the time finally comes , because it is coming. They want to be able to say “oh we did all we could” and “oh but she always seemed so happy” I was never happy and I gave you all the signs I cried I screamed I kicked I punched I hurt people I hurt myself physically and emotionally until I couldn’t take it then I just gave up. I’ve given up for a year or two now I’ve stopped caring what happens to me I’ve stopped caring about anyone but even now even after those long two years of nit caring I have still survived. I have still survived, maybe not lived, but survived. Honestly I don’t know how much longer that will last but I want you all to know. I gave you all the signs. I tried all your techniques. All your therapy’s. All your quick fixes. None of them worked so I came up with my own. They weren’t as safe or healthy as yours but they kept me alive. They helped me survive. And I wouldent have without them. They hurt me they hurt other people but in the end. I survived but I never lived so what’s the point. The point is there is no reason to exist unless you have meaning. And when I was younger my meaning was to have a good life and to live. But as I grew older reality set in and I realised those who get to live are the lucky ones. But not everyone is that lucky. I was not a lucky one. I wasent even unlucky. No one even cared enough to put me in that scale. I had to put myself and I would say I’m pretty lucky that I’m even alive. And I’ll take that because I may not have lived but I survived and some people don’t even get the chance to survive. I think everyone should get the chance to. So I just say to myself I got the chance, I was lucky enough to survive I can’t waist that. Even if it’s just one more day I have to survive not live but just survive.

That is the poem I’m responding to

I am still not living,

I am barley even surviving anymore.

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t think,

I can’t,

I can’t breathe.

It’s closing Around me,

I know other people have it worse,

I know.

But I’m dying,

Slowly and painfully,

I can’t keep this up much longer,

I’m dying,

I hate myself I hate my family I hate my friends I hate my whole fucking life.

I hate everything about myslef,

I can’t breathe,

I’m shutting down,

I’m gone,

No one noticed as I fell,

I’ve finally reached the bottom and I won’t make it back up this time.

I’m not living, I’m not surviving, I’m barley breathing.