He left me broken. Before he came into my life, I was hopeful. I was excited for everything most young women want to experience. Graduating college, landing my dream job, and experiencing the love. The love that you hear about from friends and family members. The love that you see in movies and read about in books. The kind of love that my parents shared. That kind of love.

“Congratulations, you’re now a college graduate!”

“We’re excited to have you join our team.”

“I can’t believe my girl has her own place.”

I checked each milestone off of my list. I grew and I changed as a person. While lying down on the couch that I had purchased for my own apartment, I dreamt of the love I had always desired. After many attempts at dating apps and a couple of short-lived relationships, I worried that I would never know that love.

Suddenly he was in my life. We met through a mutual friend. Everything made sense with him. He surprised me with little things often, sometimes by cooking a meal or taking me out on spontaneous trips. He loved my eagerness, I loved his free-spirit. We fit together perfectly. At least that’s what I believed.

I noticed he was getting home late. His mood seemed off, like anything I did would upset him. After a few days of his unusual behavior, he yelled at me. He knocks a glass off of the counter onto the floor. I had asked him why he started an argument with my mother. He stormed out of the apartment and I followed him. I kept speed walking as he quickly approached his car.

“Stop! Stop. Just talk to me. Talk to me Isaac!”

He placed his hand on the side door and looked at me. I tried to read his expression. Searching for guilt, sorrow, anger. Anything really. Yet I didn’t see any emotion of the sort. Except for confusion. He looked at me, as if looking at a puzzle.

“I cheated. I cheated and I don’t feel guilty about it. I don’t feel like I’ve hurt the love of my life. Honestly… I don’t think you ever were that to me.”

It took being in this moment for me to realize how much I had altered myself to please him. How I had ignored friends that he didn’t like. How I had avoided doing things I enjoyed because he wanted to do stuff that HE enjoyed. How even when I had a feeling that I shouldn’t, I begged for him to love me. I begged him and that’s why he stayed. Because I had given up my dignity and self-respect to be “loved.”

I was told my people that break ups are hard. That even though it doesn’t feel like it, it won’t feel like this forever. They thought I was depressed over things ending with Isaac. Anger was more of what I felt. Funny enough, I was more angry with myself than Isaac. I was angry at myself for being so desperate for love and not seeing what it actually was.

I started to doubt everything that I thought I knew about love. The definition I’ve always known was just a romanticized dream. It couldn’t truly be that healthy, that simple. Sure, why not believe in it when you’re a young girl or boy. I’m not a little kid anymore, I’m a grown woman. I can’t waste time hoping for a chance at something that can’t be real.

I walked into the local shop and ordered my drink. I thanked the cashier and walked over to a table. With my laptop open and my coffee near me, I felt like I could relax. Then an elderly couple walked in. The man had a light blue handbag on his lower arm, and his other arm wrapped around his wife’s back.

“Rebecca recommended this place to me. Said it was very popular among Gen Z in this area.”

The older man chuckled at his wife.

“Guess coffee shops are for the youngsters like the diners were for us, eh?”

They stood there and looked at the menu overhead the front counter. “How about you order me a black cup o’ joe and I’ll take a seat at a table with this heavy luggage of yours?”

The woman swatted his shoulder lightly.

“Go ahead you old bugger.”

I glanced over to see them sitting across from each other. They seemed to be talking about something, but I noticed that the elderly man’s hand never left hers. In that moment, I realized. My experience of “love” didn’t change what it truly is. What it can be. Seeing these two souls seem so complete with each other made my heart warm. My expectations of love weren’t foolish or childish. They were what made my heart warm.