“Oh fuck. Oh shit. Oh fuck” I mutter while I’m looking down at the water. What looks like 100 feet from up here is probably only ten realistically. But my dad said he used to go fishing on the beach that’s only like two hundred yards away, and I hate fish. Maybe the fish don’t live near this jetty rock I’m jumping from. Or better yet, maybe someone will jump in before me to scare them all away.

It doesn’t help that my younger sister is antagonizing me. She’s afraid of clowns for Christ sake. Who is she to tease me about being afraid of the deadliest thing in earth - the ocean? There are SHARKS in there. Plus, I’m having a hard time thinking of something else that can sink so many boats with so much ease. I mean I’ve seen The Titanic. And don’t get me started on rip currents.

But I have to do this. Not because I necessarily want to, but because I’ll look like a pussy to those hot girls that already jumped in. Fuckin A. Why’d I have to walk out here?

“Five! Four! Three!” My sister shouts.

“NO FUCKING COUNTING!!” I snap at her, hoping the hotties didn’t hear me. I rip a smile just by the off chance they’re looking at me, just to let them know it’s all good up here.

“Just jump already!”

“I swear to god, Alexa, if you don’t shut the fuck up right now I’ll throw you in with cement shoes.”

“Fine I’ll go” she takes one step and then splashes into the water.

God damnit. Now I’m up here all by myself. And my sister jumped in before me. That fuckin’ bitch.

Ok well I can’t even jump in yet - because I haven’t planned my exit strategy. How am I supposed to jump into a body of water without knowing how I’ll get out? That would be colossally stupid, and I for one am not stupid.

So it looks like the waves might be going horizontally to the beach. Or maybe they’re perpendicular- I can’t really tell from this angle. But I better find out because I once heard that if the waves are going sideways or diagonally, that means there’s a rip current.

I should ask the hotties. That’ll let them know that I think before I act - smart.

“Hey! Excuse me! Would you say the waves are crashing horizontally or perpendicularly to the shoreline?”

“Huh?

“Yeah I’m just making sure there isn’t a rip current! Those things are deadly! But if you were to get caught in one you DON’T want to fight it - just let it take you out to sea and eventually it’ll push you back to land. I know, I know, that’ll go against your natural instinct, but you’ll have to trust me!”

The girls stopped listening.

Fine, their loss.

My sister is starting to swim go shore. That’s not good. Then I’ll be treading water all by myself. If a shark were to come along I will be the only option. At least if she’s still here then my odds will be 50-50 of the shark choosing me.

Ok I better get in the water before I get eaten by a shark.

Let me just check my runway. I need a good long run up to make sure I clear the rocks and the wind doesn’t push me back into this jetty. The wind feels pretty strong.

Ok I have about twenty feet of runway and it all looks clear. But wait. What’s that thing moving?

Shit! It’s a crab! I got pinched by one of those when I was younger and it really hurt! It looks like it’s locked in one me. This is not good. Not good at all. They are amphibious creatures so even if I jump in it could follow me in and then it might even have the upper hand.

“Alexa! There’s a crab up here! And it’s in my runway! What should I do?!”

“Jump in the water you pussy!”

“Yeah I thought of that but then the crab might have the upper hand! They’re amphibious creatures and can probably swim faster than me! I’m in their domain - I’m on their home turf! It probably know this jetty like the back of its’ claw!”

Alexa stopped paying attention to me as soon as she said “pussy”. She is back on land now.

I really don’t know what to do. This is a lose lose situation for me here. I can stay on land and get bit by this crab or jump into the ocean where I’ll probably get eaten by a shark AND bit by this crab.

Wait - what the…

Splash!

I’m knocked into the water from a rogue wave that hit me from behind.

That means the crab is probably in here too. I need to get to land NOW!

I don’t care what my training told me - I don’t care if there’s a rip current or not. I’m swimming straight to shore.

Kick harder, stroke faster, kick harder, stroke faster!

After about fifteen strokes I’m able to stand.

Now I know why they were calling me a pussy.