I sat on my kitchen floor as I stared down the barrel of the pistol. My brow furrowed in the middle as I took a deep breath. Nathan stood over me with a certain authoritative posture.   

I could hear the stern pleading of the negotiator on the phone as he pushed the gun further into my forehead. Beads of sweat formed at his temple while he weighed his options. The heat of the kitchen was intense with the boiling teapot on the stove and the palpable tension. A symphony of sirens and shouts from the police enveloped the apartment building.

“Do it, Nate.” I forced out through clenched teeth. “If you hate me that much, just pull the trigger.” The taunt caused his shoulders to tense even further, damn near meeting his ear lobes. 

The negotiator continued their muffled pleas on the phone as the gun rattled with Nate’s nerves. “I’ll do it Johnny, you _know_ I will!” Nate shouted through a broken voice as he threw the phone across the apartment where it shattered against the wall.

I continued to stare into the eyes of my enraged drug addict brother. 

“Nate, if this is what you want, do it. I told you I’d always support you, and that doesn’t stop now.” I urged soothingly, knowing Nate was never one for decision-making. 

Finally, he lowered the gun from my head and released the tension in his shoulders with a breath. Tears flooded his eyes and down his cheeks. 

“Jonny… I-I-I don’t know what to do anymore…” he admitted between silent sobs. He fell onto his knees and cradled his head in both hands, the gun still in one of them. 

“I know Nate. I know…” I continued trying to soothe him as I slowly began crawling towards him. “But I’m here. We’ll get through this, just like we always do.” 

He lifted his head out of his hands to meet my gaze. The stream of tears continued running down his cheeks as he sniffled. The corner of his mouth lifted in a bleak attempt of a smile. I returned with my own. We held each other’s gaze for a few seconds, then I held out my hand, “Now… why don’t you give me that gun?”

He sniffled one more time, a look of acceptance straightening out his features back to normal. He slowly placed the grip in my open palm and laid his hand on top. 

Then, he leaned in closer and whispered, “I’m so sorry Johnny…”

Suddenly, his hand gripped the pistol again and ripped it away from me. I released a startled gasp and in the blink of a few seconds, he had the barrel in his mouth. I felt my eyes widen as my body tensed. The heat of adrenaline rose through my veins. 

“NO!” I shouted. I leaned forward, my arm outstretched to knock the gun out of his hand. He began to pull the trigger as I hurriedly reached for the gun. 

At that moment, all the chaos outside the apartment vanished. The SWAT team outside, the sirens, the shouts, all became white noise as the echo of the gunshot rattled the room. The silence that followed was tangible, something that was waiting to be touched by the next person to make a move. 

I turned a nervous glance towards Nate, expecting a sight that would forever haunt my nightmares. Instead, I was met with his equally horrified and shocked expression. The cabinet beside him had a distinct hole in it where the bullet had pierced. 

Dazed from the sound of the gun, we stared at each other for a few seconds unable to grasp what had just happened. A heavy pounding on the apartment door made us both jolt out of our trances. We both glanced towards the floor, where a few feet away lay the gun that I had knocked out of his hand. Then, we both launched towards it. 

Nate landed with his stomach to the floor as I laid on top of him and stretched for the gun. We as a duo became a cacophony of grunts and shoves as he attempted to throw me off him. He threw his elbow back and it collided with my stomach, knocking the breath out of me.  As we wrestled, the police announced themselves at the door with continued pounding.

Nate rolled me off of him as he began crawling towards the gun. I stretched out my hand and caught him by the collar of his jacket, now kneeling on one knee.

“Nate, stop. Please.” I begged as he fidgeted in his jacket. 

“I can’t go back Johnny, I just can’t” He replied as he lunged for the gun. I yanked on his collar, but he merely slipped out of the jacket. He grabbed for the gun, but his momentum and desperation pushed it even farther away. 

That’s when I launched myself straight for the gun. I thrust myself out of my kneeling position, throwing his jacket over my shoulder. Everything turned to slow motion as I flew through the air over Nate. He continued groveling with frantic hand movements trying to get a grip on the pistol. 

I landed over top of him again, but this time I got a grip on the gun handle. Nate thrashed below me as I kept my grip on the gun. 

Satisfied with my firm handle, I planted my knees on the tile floor and straddled Nate's lower back. Realizing defeat, he became frantic and whirled around to face me, with his back to the floor. He grabbed my arm and brought the gun down towards his face. 

“Do it, Johnny. Come on, I know you’ve wanted to before…” He says, sadness drooping the edge of his face. 

“Look Nate, I-” I began to speak when the door crashed open, nearly flying off its hinges. Two SWAT members rush in, fully decked out in their protective gear. Upon seeing us, they point their weapons at me. 

“Nathan, drop the weapon and raise your hands where we can see ‘em!” One of the officers shouts from under his mask. 

A pit forms in my stomach as I freeze. “Wait, officer, I’m not-”

Suddenly, the teapot whistles its ear piercing tune as it has been on the stove for way too long. The unexpected noise makes me jump. Before I can process what is happening, one of the SWAT officers pulls the trigger. 

The last thing I remember is the bullet heading straight for my forehead.