Big Ol Grin
Her face lights up a room
Such a beautiful grin
Music plays as she walks by
Everyone gets up and dances
She brings the sunshine into a room
Good vibes
What we’re feeling
Comments 2
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Her face lights up a room
Such a beautiful grin
Music plays as she walks by
Everyone gets up and dances
She brings the sunshine into a room
Good vibes
What we’re feeling
This writing creates an uplifting feeling, however it could be further supported by additional descriptive language. For example, you could expand the first line with more vivid detail, such as "Her beaming face lights up a room, radiating a sparkling joy." Additionally, the imagery should be more consistent; for example, line four could be tweaked to make it fit the same theme as the other lines, such as "People smile and break into dance when she passes by."
To further enhance the piece, you could use more vibrant, metaphorical, and poetic language to capture the feeling more concisely. This poem is about emotion: get poetic with it! For example, instead of "she brings the sunshine into a room," you could say "her presence ignites the room with warmth and radiance." This type of writing not only paints a clearer picture for readers, but it emphasizes the emotion being conveyed. The reader can also gain a deeper understanding of the sense of happiness if they are given more detail of this scene, as well as further explanation beyond just what is seen.
