What am I thinking about?

I’m thinking about Lana Del Rey.

I’ve been listening to her a lot lately.

I’m thinking about spring,

And how it’s crept up on me.

I’m thinking about summer and it’s inevitabiliy.

I’m thinking that life doesn’t feel real.

That time is abstract,

A concept,

Unable to affect me.

I wonder what I will think at the end of the school year.

Will I have another depressive episode like last summer?

Will I be unable to handle the end of my youth?

It doesn’t have to be the end of my youth.

Does it?

I’ve been told you can let your childhood live on.

It never has to die.

But I’m expected to grow up,

And handle things,

And responsabilites,

And live right.

It’s never going to be this easy again.

I’m never going to be this free again.

Sometimes I think it’s better to have the opportunities,

Than to experience them.

I think it’s because I’ve been dissapointed before.

But sometimes,

I can just enjoy it.

I don’t know how I’ll enjoy my childhood when it’s no longer there.

I think I’d rather have the opportunities.

A future to look forward to.

A future I’m too scared to experience.

I’m happy right now,

And that’s so rare.

I don’t want anything to happen to that happiness.

I don’t know what waits for me on the other side.