They’re real,

you know?

Those

gnomes

steal

your

souls.

I mean socks.

They steal your…

socks.

Keep the doors locked -

it won’t matter.

Sock Gnomes will come in through the window - they’ll use a ladder.

Keep your socks

upon your feet, friend.

Tie them tight

while you’re asleep, friend.

Always dry them

on low heat, friend.

Sock Gnomes are

drawn to socks a’shrinkin’.

I once met one.

He said,

“My name’s Joe!”

I said,

“Whoa whoa bro,

are you a fucking garden gnome?”

He seemed offended,

as he said,

“I’m a Sock Gnome, bro,

and I’m here to

steal your stinky soles!”

“You’re outta luck,

you gnome named Joe,

I sold my soul a year ago!”

Joe rolled his eyes

and grabbed my foot,

he took a whiff and

seemed off-put.

My eyes left sockets,

As Joe the Gnome,

Removed my socks,

And stuffed his pockets.

So lock your home,

and guard your socks,

Sock Gnomes will come,

and steal your soul.

I mean… socks.