I tried to keep my blood from spilling on the tile as I stumbled into the ER. I knew from experience that blood wasn’t easy to clean up. My pink jean jacket would never be the same shade.

I moved past a mother and her crying baby and a man who looked to be hungry.

A girl sat behind the receptionist desk. She was playing a game on her phone which I thought was kind of odd. Who knows, perhaps the standards for peak medical care has changed.

I approached and cleared my throat.

She died in her game and looked up completely bothered.

“Can I help you?”

I smiled weakly going for the please-help-me-I’m-in-severe-pain look.

“Yes hi I’m losing blood uncontrollably, and my arm is Matteo Kennedy.”

The girl, who’s name tag announced she was Buttercup, blinked.

“What?”

I became light-headed as spots danced in my vision.

I hefted my arm up and leaned heavily on the receptionist counter. Blood had spotted the tile. Now I was in physical and emotional pain.

“Bleeding? Uncontrollably? Help?”

Buttercup stared at my arm.

“Is that a limited edition Taylor Swift Eras tour t-shirt?”

I looked at the t-shirt I’d stolen from off the floor of my house. The t-shirt that single handedly was keeping my arm together. It was blood soaked right in Taylor’s Reputation Era face.

“Uh maybe? I don’t really know. It’s my sisters.”

Buttercup looked at me as if I’d killed a puppy. Several puppies.

“What a waste. There were only 8 million of those made. You got blood all over it.”

It was my turn to blink.

“Is that- does that even qualify as limited…um can we just get back to the helping me part?”

My legs were rubbery and I didn’t know if I could stand much longer. And I definitely didn’t know what about 8 million somethings would make it “limited”.

Buttercup let out a sigh of long suffering and I thought I’d show her something about suffering. My arm had created a mini puddle of blood on the floor by now.

I watched in confusion as she stood and went over to a printer. I waited while she played another round on her phone as papers started to fall from the printer into a basket. My legs gave out and I slid to the floor with a grunt. This was the most pain I’d ever been in. I tried to get my thoughts straight and clear my vision. I realized someone was standing over me.

“Uh Mr,” she checked the clipboard “Losing Blood Uncontrollably was it? We need you to fill out some forms. She set a clipboard down next to me on the floor. “Only the first 6 pages are about answering questions about your arm and it’s state of,” she again referred to the clipboard next to me on the ground. “Matteo Kennedy. The other 27 pages are just routine questions.”

She then wrinkled her nose. “We also would ask you not to leak your bodily fluids on the floor.”

I watched her walk away in shock.

Or maybe it was my body going into shock. I couldn’t tell at this point.

After 33 pages of forms and seven paper cuts later I returned the blood smugged papers. Buttercup took them and set them to the side.

“Well, that’s perfect thank you for those. We will call you out when the doctor is ready to see you.”

At this point my body was going numb which worried me.

“And how long is that going to be?”

She consulted another clipboard. I was really starting to not appreciate clipboards.

“Should only be about one to six hours.”

“But I’m dying! I don’t know if I can stay alive for that long.”

I shook my arm sending a wave of pain that almost made me pass out again. She gave me a degrading look.

“Sir. Please don’t be dramatic. The doctor is in with a young girl right now and can’t see you. Poor thing has a cold.”

“A cold?? I’m bleeding out!”

“Are you saying your life is worth more than this little girl?? She has been sick for the last two days! How long have you been ‘bleeding out’ a couple of hours?”

I couldn’t believe what was happening.

“Well-no of course not- I just. You know what. I’ll just be over there. Dying. If you need me you can consult the will I’m going to write in one of the children’s coloring books in the waiting room.”

“Sir those are for the children, I will be forced to ask you to leave if you deface the waiting room.”

I sighed. “Nevermind. I’m just going to go die. Sue you later.”

Buttercup went back to her phone.

While I walked away she distractedly reminded me,

“Don’t forget what I said about the whole leaking bodily fluids thing…Thanks”

I sat creating a much bigger puddle of blood on the floor as my heart continued to pump blood out of my severed arterie. Finally the doctor would see me.

He invited me in.

“So, Mr…”

“Matteo. Matteo Kennedy.”

Pain was livid now. I could barely think.

“Ah yes. Mr. Matteo Matteo Kennedy. What seems to be the issue?”

I looked at my arm to him and back again.

He noticed it.

“Oh I see. Oh dear.”

He stood to examine my arm. I sagged in relief. Finally someone somewhat competent.

“Oh yes oh dear. I can definitely see the problem.”

“What should I do about it Doc?”

He examined it a moment more.

“It is clear that your Taylor Swift T-shift has been thoroughly soaked in blood. A true tragedy. If it were me I’d start by soaking it in cold water—“

“What?? No. Not the shirt!” I ripped the offending Eras tour t-shirt to reveal the gaping wound in my arm. Blood drizzled down my hand.

The doctors eyebrows lowered.

“What? This? You came in here for a partially severed arm?”

“Yes!”

“Mr. Matteo Matteo Kennedy, I’ll have you know we take the cases that come in the ER very seriously.”

“Do you?” I asked but he wasn’t hearing me.

“I will not have you waste my time. That man out there? He was hungry. And you come in here for a minor trifle. I’m afraid I’m going to have to escort you out.”

It was definitely my body going into hypolectic shock this time.

The doctor stood and held the door open gesturing for me to exit.

“But doctor I’m literally dying! Isn’t there anyone who can help me?”

“It’s fine. You’re fine.”

“How could you say that?? I’m quite literally bleeding to death!?”

The doctor gave me a patronizing smile.

“Sir, please don’t be dramatic.”