Run, run, RUN! Faster, faster, FASTER!

I remember those words, pounding through my head as I sprinted away from our home, our beautiful home in the woods. I wanted to stop, to go back to see her, her golden hair flowing in the summer breeze, her hazel eyes staring at me through the back window, while I worked in the garden, how she blushed when I turned to meet her gaze. But I couldn’t, I just had to run, run, run. I knew that if I turned back now I’d be killed in a millisecond and even if I had survived them, I would only put her in danger. A tear rolls down my cheek, warm and salty. Sadness overflows me but I can’t let it get to me.

I’m fast and agile and know how to weave between the trees, because of that I have an advantage, but they’re quick on their feet and they’re armed. All I have to do is slow down just a bit and they’ll shoot me down.

I start to quicken my steps as I hear the crunch of leaves getting closer. Waves of emotion twirl around my body, anger, sadness, anxiety, stress all of these emotions trying to drag me down. Now I think as I make my way through uncharted terrains I wonder what I will do when they stop chasing me, make a new home, find a job. I know I couldn’t do that not without her, no I will come back. But what if they’re still on my track, no, no, no I can’t.

I’m torn between wanting her to be with me but not wanting to get her in danger, maybe I should just let them get me. It was my fault gambling and all. Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why couldn’t I have just gotten a cleaning job, no, instead I was picky. Angry with my life and myself, I got drunk and made a bet with one of the ‘VIPs’ with money I didn’t have. My beautiful, sweet wife can find someone else, it’s more safe anyway. I cannot bear the thought of her with someone else but is there another choice? If I don’t give up on living will she think I’m dead and still move on with… another man? And if I do give up the same thing will happen, I know I couldn’t go with another woman but she could. A even worse thought hits me, what if she thinks, I-I hooked up with another woman! No, I wouldn’t, but what if she thinks I did, no I can’t let her think that!The thought of death is now freedom for me, slowly spreading its vines keeping my emotions at bay.

Someone will find my body, no matter how hard these men try to hide it, there are always patrols around the woods to protect endangered animals, the people’s dogs will find me, she will know I died and those other thoughts would be extinguished. And with that thought in mind I abruptly stop letting the mad men shoot, I ready myself for the pain of the bullet. They hesitate for a moment probably confused, then,”Bang…”

*** I am now…’dead’ I guess but I still stand in the middle of life and death, I’m waiting for my wife, I’m waiting for her to move on. It’s been two years and finally when I look at her I see a smile, even though a tear slides down her face, as she bends down next to my grave. I know she’s happy. I know she’s not sad anymore. I know she’s moved on. A handsome, broad-shouldered man holds her in his arms and a cheerful, happy, little girl tunnels into her arms, comforting her. And now I know that I can go in peace without worrying about her.