“Jordan,” she calls from the kitchen. “Baby carrots or big carrots?” She stands in front of the fridge, staring at the two on the shelf.

“Wha- I uh,” he pauses the gun game and blinks, rubbing his eyes. “Uh. Big carrots?”

“Big carrots? Why big carrots? Why those?” She sounds angered, he quietly picks up the controller again and shrugs even though she can’t see him.

“I thought you liked the bigger stuff,” he grins wolfishly at the screen. The guys on the headset crack up, asking who he’s talking to. “My newly wedded wife,” he murmurs, shaking his head. “She’s honestly insane.”

“Aren’t they all?” One guy named Henderson says over the headset, chuckling. “Mine’s taking care of the kids right now and I-“

“BUBBIEEEEES,” a small kid screams in the background. Jordan winces and pulls the headset away.

“Getting bubbies now,” they crack up together. Jordan exits the game and tells the cackling gamers bye, one gamer claims he’s leaving to catch the action.

Cautiously, Jordan walks into the kitchen where his new wife chops carrots angrily with a knife far too big.

“Why did you ask if I wanted big carrots or little carrots? They taste the same. Don’t they?” Jordan scratches his crotch in front of the open refrigerator in a not so hot way as he grabs a Coke.

“Because,” snap, snap, pap, the knife comes down hard on the carrots, they’re more ground up than chopped.

“Because?“ he comes up behind her and hugs her, touching the cold Coke to her cheek. She sighs, pushing him away. She turns, pointing the huge knife at his chest.

“Do you want babies or not?”

“What?” He squeaks.

“Yes or no?!”

“I- I said big carrots.”

“I said babies!” She slams the knife down.

He exhales, “Sheesh, woman.”

“Yes or no?” She repeats.

“Big— I don’t— they’re carrots.”

“Babies,” she touches his stomach.

“Wha-“

“Will you give me your babies?” She touches her stomach this time.

His mouth falls open.