I do not know how to feel

I do not really know what to think

I am just sitting here on this sidewalk

Feeling lost, confused, not knowing what I should do

But just sit here

While thinking about what happened

And feeling so numb, so dumb

Just sitting here with so much nothingness

And yet, despite how awful I feel

With what has happened

There is this feeling

A feeling of sad happiness

It is something that makes me down

But still makes me happy

Because it lets me know that I am human

That I can embrace the sad happiness

A sad happiness that is real

That makes me feel connected

A sad happiness that is like this voice

The voice tells me that it will get better

It eventually will at some point

It makes me feel like there is something there

That makes me aware

To just keep yourself looking and moving forward

To know and think that there is something worthwhile

Out there for me

This sad happiness makes that clear to me

As I can see, there is going to be so much for me

This sad happiness reminds me of what I should do and be