I'm used to patching myself up

Staring in the mirror I'm used to

Talkin to my reflection

I'm fine I don't need the sorry’s

I don't need the half-heartfelt hugs

It just makes it worse

I know you want to comfort me but

I'm used to this because every word

Is just an empty phrase

I'm the one that needs to change

Yes I know it's true

But the problem isn't me it's…. You

Don't get me wrong I love you with all that I can give but sometimes you lecture me on things I need to fix

Yet you never change

You always say I'm not understanding

That I don't heed your words

You saying that just makes it worse

Cause how many times have I tried to get

Your approval to show I'm listening

Yet you never see it. Don't comfort me it's not your thing you never did

I'm so good at patching myself up

Hugging myself so I could feel closer

To my daydream character

Every time you raise your voice

I tremble on the inside

Then I hear my character's voice as he places an invisible hand on my shoulder pulling me into a hug no one sees

His words are kind and soothing as I'm trying to stop the tears

Every fight I just hide upstairs not wanting to talk cause I have everything I need

I'm used to building myself up

Used to handling it all alone

Just like the panic attacks

The heart race

Just like my suicide phase

I'm fine you don't need to console me

I'll be fine in a week or two not

I'll be fine but not truly just let me tape up my mask put that fake smile on

Cause all you see on the outside

Is me working hard with a smile on my face

Smiling tho the pain hurts

Still going when I want to quit

I'm fine it's ok this is who I am