i wish i was her,

those dark curls tightly wound that you run your

fingers through,

dark eyes that you stare in forever,

dark skin that you trace over and over,

fingers that you lift and hold and love from every angle,

kisses on the back of her palm and your smile

sends vibrations through her body

and she pulls you close and rocks you back

and forth, and she is your home

i wish you were me

watching from afar, heart full, heart

overflowing

with rivers of bloody love that have cut their way through my bones,

too deep to chase away,

too shallow to do

anything,

stuck in the middle ground of

nothing and everything

so close, yet so far,

because suddenly every cliché makes sense

and you’re crying on your bedroom floor,

staring into the mirror and wondering

why the one girl doesn’t want you,

the one girl who is

perfect in light of all her flaws,

the girl who loves the girl who cares

the girl who you know is meant to be yours

but can’t

i could never wish you were me,

i wouldn’t wish that on you,

couldn’t bear too see the invisible stains of

tear tracks that ran their way down your cheeks

the night before

wouldn’t let you watch, so many minutes, miles,

light years away from her

and still be right next to her as she calls you

one of her best friends and watches

your favorite show with you,

heads touching because there’s barely

any room and you know she’s not thinking about it,

but you can get over how her shampoo smells,

the way you can feel her pulse thrumming

and it’s not looping too fast out of time likes

yours is,

and a sad part comes on the computer screen

so you grip her arm so you can trick

yourself into thinking you could ever be

special

something

someone to her

but you can’t walk away because your

in too deep and you might be drowning,

but it’s such sweet sorrow

so you don’t shove the images of the two of you together out of your mind,

you let them replay over and over night after night in your head as you lay in your bed,

trying to sleep

but you can’t because if you do,

you’ll see the future that will never be

no,

i could never wish that on you