My breathes started heaving and coming fast. I couldn’t stop the tremor that shook my hands and weakened my knees.

“Are you alright?” A random kid nodded towards me, a mop of dirt coloured hair falling in front of his eyes. I don’t remember what I said as a pounding started at the base of my scull. I do remember the world falling apart and the hand clenched on the phone, screen stuck on the message that had destroyed me. My hand fumbled on the brass door handle and I ran. Bricks scraped my skin through my thin blouse as I sank to my knees. The sun cast a soft warmth on the ground while the wind blew a cooling waft around my hair. Anger bubbled up inside of me, fuelled by pain and the most burning desperation I had ever felt.

“No…” The word barely escaped my lips when it broke of into a half sob, half scream.

“NO!!!” I screamed the word this time, for once not caring who would hear. I felt detached, unaligned, unreal. The most crippling pain and overwhelming numbness. Anything! I wanted to feel anything except the pain. Clenching my hand into a fist, I punched the wall. The sting was a momentary distraction. I did it again. And again. The blood smeared against the rough bricks as I hit it over and over. Tears were streaming as I gasped every time my hands smashed into the wall. The crunch of my knuckles, the tearing of my skin and yet nothing could compare to the single thought echoing in my head.

It was all my fault…