i forgave you over and over again. convincing myself that you’d change. one day i thought it’ll happen… but that day never came. i went to war with myself. i was out of the battlefield everyday, trying to find the good in you. are you aware how long i looked? i searched for hours on end digging and digging. eventually i was able to reach the bottom. there was only darkness, an empty black pit. i fell to the ground screaming thinking this couldn’t be it. there has to be something for me to find. something for me to continue holding onto. clinching onto my shirt, i struggle to breathe. the nothingness i found was the answer i needed. i found nothing because there was nothing. there wasn’t any reason to hold onto you an longer.