“What do I do ?——“

It’s hard…I’m trying my best to not to stumble on these words. Do not say it…DO NOT SAY IT !!!! I SAID DO NOT SAY IT, DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT !!!!! THAT’S WHAT SATAN WANTS ——-!—-

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How did I end up facing such a situation ?

It is written “Be anxious for nothing”.

Oh I’d wish it was that easy

They say individuals

React the way they react

Because of their mindset

So is my mindset wrong ?

Am I contemplating into the incorrect direction ?

——-

My mind has started again—

I loathe this

He keeps bringing words to pull down my morals

If it was only my moral, it wouldn’t be so astrocious

He is also trying to get my star

Along the dust of the deep

I cannot speak sadness, unbelief or agony

But they keep bellowing repeatedly “SAY IT, SAY IT, SAY IT!!!!!! NOW !!!”

Consciousness is at risk

And so is my faith for pleading out loud

The sole medium that keeps me spiritually sane in these moments is our talk

Yes, our talk

“Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit~”

I called your name like a young child narrating his worries to his precious mother

——-

The first thing I wanted to do

Was to transfer our talk to a brethren

But you always come first in line

No matter what

And these are the kind of seasons

Where people fail

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Although I wasn’t hearing your sweet voice as a means of consolation

I was hearing your life-filled words through my soul

There we’re like melodies to my spirit

At the point in time

I was between two territories

Both eager to drag me in

One was noisy and appealing

The other was quiet and onerous

I had to pick one and leave the other

As I kept singing lyrics of faith

My soul was slowly but surely

Gravitating towards the serene environment

Oh God, I want to trust you with my whole being

But why is there so much difficulty in times of trouble and distress ?

I thought that my beliefs were enough to command the earth to open her mouth and swallow the unrepentant personalities of the world system ?

So why ?

I was thinking north, south, west and even east but there was none to be found there

It was an entirely different orientation to where you were taking me

I bit my lips hard, thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and thought and—-Urgh!!

I was trying to keep up with you so much

I want to cry ——I’m about to shed tears of uncertainty and fear

But I’ve not completely lost it, not yet

Don’t I have enough wisdom ?

But I know I do

Do I sound controversial ?

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I don’t know what to do, think, say or react

I’m lost once again —

Why ?

You said that if I call on your name, you would answer -….

My heart is running in all frequency bouncing from one place to another

My body is tense and every single strands of my hair are grincing their ends with untrustworthy anticipation

My senses in all that ?

Is it possible for senses to stop functioning for a bit ?

Because I feel like this is what is happening

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All I wanted was to serve my God with the whole of my heart

Am I doing something wrong ?

I’m not thought !?

So why are all hands of my own blood pointing at me as if I was at fault ?

I didn’t do anything wrong !!!

“Faith”

It’s a heavy word—-it’s more weighty than I thought

If persecution is necessary then let it be

I’m a cry of a soul

I cried to get where I am

I’ve let go of my temporary happiness

So I might as well just give up on every other thing

For your sake

I remember that day when I deleted my sweet vainly stories that followed me all through out my childhood….We were inseparable but now separable.

Haha I cried and I cried until i couldn’t hear myself mourning—

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I’ve learned something today

/Faith and audacity we’re partnering this whole time/

My spirit is back to his usual demeanor

I’ve allowed him to take control

I feel like I’ve entered into

Another dimension of peace

So is this what it feels like?

What an irony, I was so anxious

For everything not too long ago

But what is the difference now ? Can you tell ?

God, i didn’t know that the test of Faith was that challenging but thank you because I made it till the finish line

26/03/2025

(The day I got into issues of life)

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