Everyone thinks I’m crazy because I have an imaginary friend. They think I’m even crazier because his name is Ed and he’s an alien. And to talk matters off, my boyfriend walked out and left me today. You know what I say? To hell with them. To hell with them all. They are the crazy ones because they can’t see him. I don’t know what’s wrong with their eyeballs, but he’s real in the flesh. Or… whatever you might call the gooey substance he’s made of. Anyway, that’s beside the point.

I sit on my loveseat, arms crossed dramatically, staring at Ed on the ottoman. I’m already pissed because he’s sitting there. He knows I don’t like that. He always leaves behind some sort of goop, and I always end up having to clean it up. Nevertheless, he stares back at me, not one of his five eyes blinking.

“I don’t understand how you can’t see why this affects me, Ed,” I say, clearly annoyed. “Damien and I were together for a long time. And he just left. Didn’t even tell me why!” I stop to wipe a tear from my eye before diverting my gaze to the floor. “Of course I’m upset.”

He stretches a long, gasoline tinted tentacle out to pat me on the shoulder. I recoil slightly. “Please don’t touch me. I don’t want to have to wash my shirt too.”

His tentacle retracts like a slinky. Finally, he blinks one eye. “I just don’t understand you humans and this love concept. Makes no sense to me.”

I huff. “Haven’t you ever cared for anything or anyone at all? Don’t you care about me?”

He blinks again, this time with a little more confusion. “I don’t know what that means.”

“Seriously? Not even a pet? A... uh, space dog? Space cat? A space slug?”

He looks offended. “Space slugs are disgusting. I wouldn't keep one even if it begged.”

I roll my eyes. “Okay, forget the space slug. But how can you not understand love? It’s like... it’s like feeling all warm and fuzzy inside when you’re with someone. Like when I see chocolate cake.”

Ed’s eyes narrow suspiciously. “You want to eat Damien?”

“What? No! Ugh, it’s not about eating. It’s about feelings!”

“Feelings like hunger?”

I slap my forehead. “No, Ed. Feelings from the heart. Feelings like... like wanting to be with someone because they make you happy. Like when you share your favorite things with them, or they just make you smile.”

He seems to ponder this, his five eyes darting in different directions, probably consulting the mothership or something. “So... love is like wanting to share my latest tentacle secretion with you?”

I gag a little. “No, Ed. Love is not sharing bodily fluids. It’s... it’s like... okay, imagine if you lost one of your eyes.”

His eyes widen—well, as much as gelatinous orbs can widen. “That sounds horrifying.”

“Exactly! You’d feel incomplete, right? You’d miss that eye.”

He nods slowly. “So, you miss Damien like you’d miss an eye?”

“Yes! Exactly!” I exclaim, relieved that we’re finally getting somewhere.

“But what if the eye was always causing problems? Like getting infected or falling out at inconvenient times?”

“Okay, now you’re overthinking it,” I sigh. “The point is, I loved Damien, and now he’s gone, and it hurts.”

Ed's eyes squint in what I hope is a thoughtful manner. “Maybe you humans should have detachable hearts. Like spare parts. Then you could just replace them when they break.”

I can’t help but laugh. “If only it were that easy, Ed. If only…”

Ed's tentacles twitch thoughtfully. "Have you ever considered the fact that Damien may have left you because you claim to have an imaginary alien friend named Ed?"

I sigh deeply. "Yes, Ed. I'm sure that probably has something to do with it."

He tilts his head, eyes blinking in unison. "Do you want me to go away forever so that you can have Damien back?"

I stare at him, my heart clenching. "Of course I don't want that."

All five of his eyes seem to light up, his body shimmering with excitement. "So... does that mean you love me?" he asks, tentacles wiggling happily.

I roll my eyes and smile. "Yes, Ed. That means I love you."

He reaches out a tentacle and wraps it around me, pulling me to his chest. His goop gets all over my shirt. "Yuck!" I cry, squirming out of his grasp. "I don't love you that much!"

Ed chuckles, a sound like bubbles popping. "I get the feeling this love thing is more complicated than I ever imagined."