I jolt awake, my heart beating fast. It feels like a million beats per minute. The room is completely dark and silent. The stillness doesn’t creep me out but there’s something else that does, I don’t know what it is. I look over at Jerry. He is sound asleep, exhausted from his work week. It’s been a rough one for him and he’s been passing out early every night. His temper can get to him when he’s stressed, which happened a few days earlier. We had a huge fight and it ended pretty badly, he took his aggression out on me again. I know he didn’t mean to push me against the wall but he did and it nearly knocked my head off. I look over at the clock, it reads 3 a.m. No wonder it’s still pitch black outside. I hate the cold weather and this winter has been especially freezing. I’m unsure what jolted me awake but it’s so unusual because I’m usually a late sleeper. I didn’t get to bed until 1 am yet I feel wide awake right now.

I swing my feet over the edge of the bed and gently get out. I hold me breath and try not to make a sound. Jerry grumbles a bit but turns around sound asleep again. I walk over to the bathroom closing the door before I turn on the light. I look at my face in the mirror and see the years I’ve lived gently etched all over it. Maybe that’s what woke me up, old age telling me I’ve slept my youth away. I see the bruise is finally lightening up, thank goodness my hairline covers most of it. I turn off the light as I open the door and walk myself to the kitchen. I’ve always loved the window that cuts across the majority of my kitchen. When the kids were young I used to love watching them as I made snacks in the kitchen. Watching them play outside while making cookies is one of the memories I will always hold dear near to my heart.

As I approach the fridge I can’t help but to see flash from the outside. I stop what I’m doing immediately and just stare out my kitchen window. There it is again the flash. I wonder what it is. I don’t feel scared, more like intrigued. We live out in the middle of nowhere I don’t understand what it could be. Should I go outside? Something inside is telling me yes. I turn towards the patio door, open it and walk through it.

The wind surrounds me yet I feel no cold. All of a sudden the one flash turns into many, all flashing at different times, all in my direction. As I walk closer to the woods it seems like the flashes get closer to me. As they approach, I begin to see outlines in the dark. It seems like there’s figures moving from the trees towards me. The flashes of light stop and there’s a row of people in front of me, men, women, children, and elderly people. They just stand there staring at me, all uniquely dressed, all so different from each other. There’s a woman dressed for church standing next to a man in a firefighter’s uniform. There’s a child, dirty from playing in the woods it would seem, next to an old lady who looks like she’s from the 1940s. There are so many of them standing there in front of me and I realize the flashes of light were coming directly from them, these people. I slowly began walking even closer towards them. Then I see him, it’s my dad. I don’t understand yet I feel my legs taking me to him.

“Hi Claire Bear,” he says in a voice that sounds like heaven.

“What is this dad? What is going on?”

He kisses my forehead the way he used to when I was young and whispers, “ Are you sure you’re ready today?”

“Ready for what papa bear?” I start to feel a warmth taking over my chest and spreading to the rest of my body.

“Ready to accept the truth hun?” I look into his eyes, they make me feel so safe. “We have been coming here every morning since it happened. We have been waiting for you patiently. Waiting until you were ready to accept what happened.”

I think about it and realize what he is talking about. Jerry pushed me that day, so hard I hit my head against the wall. I remember the pain and feeing warm blood dripping down the side of my face. Then I passed out. I don’t remember what happened after. I only remembered waking up now, today at 3a.m. I guess I hadn’t noticed time pass, I guess I didn’t realize the truth.

“Am I dead?,” I ask as I take his hand.

“Yes, and it’s time to go Claire Bear,” dad says as he walks me forward.

We walk amongst the others, turning our backs on my house. Soon we walk into the woods and my own light begins to shine. I can now rest and be in peace, no longer afraid. I can accept my new life in death.