February

Twenty-fifth

-Four years later

June the sixth

It’s been, One thousand,

Five hundred

Sixty-three days -

Since I’ve held you…

Ten tiny fingers,

And

Ten tiny toes,

My red hair,

And, your daddy’s nose

141 and 143

Two blue ribbons

But, one was stolen from me

The two of you ripped from my womb too soon

But as long as both breath

Hope continues to loom

But the doctor comes in and says,

“It looks grim, I’m so sorry.”

Suddenly I’m deaf, and my words allude me

Now, I’m holding your tiny little body,

And stroking your red hair, nothing short of adoringly

I kiss you so gently… It’s like kissing air

I can’t give you back! I won’t do it!

It’s not fair!!

Me and daddy hold you as we prepare to say goodbye

We must give you back to God, but I can’t understand why…

I’ve held you now for your entire little life

I feel this my punishment for all I couldn’t get right

In my head, I begin to bargain and beg

“Lord, please have mercy… Don’t take him away yet.”

I brought you into this world

And I’ll give you back just the same

You’ve given physical meaning to the term,

“Exquisite pain.”

I speak your name daily to feel it linger on my lips

Eamon… Augustus…

And then reality hits

I’m breaking down, crying in the floor

I think I might die

It’d make no difference anymore

And then I remember the blue jay, that you sent me that winter

He chirped and squawked with an audacious demeanor

I opened the back door and on the first step, he stood staring

And we spoke this silent language that he and I were channeling

Without a doubt and in an instant

I knew this gift was from you

You could hear me from the heavens

And you would answer me too…