A waiting room in the afterlife.

By now, I had heard more ridiculous things such as shoes that walked themselves, peanut butter that consumed those who ate it, and of course the really tacky guy with the black teeth and suspenders that manned the front desk (Joe.)

“Hey joe?” Someone shouted out, a voice that seemed to come from behind me but I didn’t dare turn around cause last time I did I’d made awkward eye contact with this phantom toddler. I shivered at the memory and focused my vision on the marble floor.

Joe put on a smile, light glinting off his full set of black teeth: “Yes?”

“Joe mama!”

Everyone broke off into laughter and I wondered, not for the first time, if I’d hit my head and was now in a coma. It seemed likely that my immature mind would conjure such an awful, overused joke—

“Sabrina Williams?” Joe called out to the huge room and suddenly everyone went quiet. The person beside me, who I hadn’t even noticed, stood up. Her hair was blonde and it looked like she’d gotten electrocuted, the way it curled in a 100 different ways. And her eyes, sapphire blue, so bright that they were hard to even glance at. She walked to the front desk, putting her elbows on the table.

“Yes, Joe?”

“They’re ready for you.”

“Oh I sure hope so, I’ve been waiting for 6000 years.” She rolled her eyes and Joe laughed.

“Haven’t we all?”

6000 years?!?! Panic overtook me and my feet seemed to launch themselves out of my seat on their own. I almost ran to the front desk, pushing Sabrina Williams aside and glaring into Joe with full menace, a menace that surprised me.

“How long have I been here?” I ask.

“Wait, hold up, lemme check.” He clicked some things on the computer in front of him, sighing. “God, this thing is so slow. It’s like 200 snails were put inside of it without my knowledge!”

Sabrina looked guilty. “Yeah, that’s my fault.”

Joe raises his eyebrows but Sabrina cut him off before he could ask: “I borrowed some snails from the bug room and had someone hack them into your computer.”

Joe narrows his eyes. “You’re going to hell.”

“Yep.”

Without another word, Sabrina leaves through a wall, as if inanimate objects had no hold on her life and well, they probably didn’t.

“Ugh finally, ya file pulled up! Seems like you’ve been here… about 2 days. And you have about another 5000 year wait. Oh wow, that’s not that bad!” Joe says nonchalantly.

“Not that bad? What am I going to do for 5000 years?”

“I don’t know, probably sit around a lot.”

I grimace, a thousand thoughts that didn’t matter sitting heavy on my shoulders, as I headed for my seat.