“if i knew you didn’t love me, i wouldn’t have done what i did” god, it took my words and breath i could hear you say, you didn’t want it to hurt but it was too late, i had taken critical blows we were supposed to be simple and now it’s so much more i cried in the arms of my best friend that night begging past me to just leave you alone i didn’t know you would grow to love me so fast i thought we had a little time but then there i was covered in you the word’s slipped out without pause and i froze in place icy water waking me up i don’t love you and i didn’t know when i would now i don’t even know if i can because i apologized and you changed there is only so much sorry i can take it’s not your fault, and it’s not mine either i think it’s beautiful you felt so safe to say that you fell in love with me in 3 days it’s not your feelings that scared me it’s mine, in that moment i felt too attached too responsible for a baby i didn’t want to have yet my family makes the marriage jokes and i fill with panic at the thought of forever with you i’m sorry baby, i think i just wanted something so casual and brief i don’t know, maybe i just wanted sex with a friend maybe i wanted to hold and be held but i like you so much, it makes thinking about this twice as hard i love making you laugh, and hearing you speak i like spending time with you no matter what we’re doing i like that my friends like you and yours like me you are almost everything i wanted except one thing baby, you just aren’t ready for me my affection won’t make you love yourself more if i could heal you of your pain, i would i took my time and i healed best i could so when i finally came to you i could be confident and good you are so good but you are mean you hate yourself with a violence and i can’t stop you no matter what i say you will continue despite how much care others or i give still i’m afraid i’ll hurt you more this way still i know the choice i make will be for us both still i know whatever it is will suck i should have just left you alone you deserve piles and piles of love you deserve to feel wanted and know that you are you won’t be too much for the one who will fall for you that just won’t be me i’m sorry baby for stealing your kisses and heart and heat if i could give it back, it’d be yours already i don’t regret our time i regret your pain i’m sorry i couldn’t love you like you want