I suddenly awaken to the sound of my own stomach grumbling. I lift my chin from the warmth of my chest tuck to look out the window in an attempt to gauge the time. Crap, still dark. Another grumble, more forceful this time, rumbles deep from within my belly. I need to eat NOW! I let out a low growl, which causes my pet to stir. Strategically, I let out a few more until I see her slowly struggle to peer through her eyelids, still half asleep. One more should do the trick.

Success! We are headed to the kitchen. My pet in her zombie-like stupor has given me a bit too much food, so I dive in face first before she can correct her error. Wow I didn’t recall the intricacies of these flavors, and the satisfaction of each individual crunch. I pick up the pace for no reason other than utter enjoyment.

Okay, time for a nap.

Ding dong!

I am shaken from a snore-filled snooze atop my floor cushion to the sound of what I can only assume is a death threat levied against my pet.

“Stand back my dear pet! This is a job for me! I will protect you! They’re going to have to get through me first!” I yell at the top of my lungs as courage courses through every one of 11 pounds of my being, though maybe closer to 12 after the size of that breakfast. There was no doubt in my mind that when the day came, I would successfully protect my pet, and that moment is now. Duty calls. I continue to yell until the threat seemingly retreats. Thankfully my pet has not given in the call of evil at the door, but I can tell she too has acknowledged the threat and raised the volume of her voice accordingly. She turns and directs her stress towards me, but I don’t mind. I know what’s best for her, and the important thing is that she is safe under my watch.

Okay, another nap.

I’m awake again and with a yawn, wake my stiffened joints with a full body stretch. My pet notices and acknowledges me with a proud glow. I excitedly acknowledge her in return. Alert now, I notice nature is calling. My pet and I make our way to the backyard. I sprint there while she saunters behind, a familiar sight that we may as well have rehearsed a million times. A feeling of warmth flows over me as I step into the sun. “Where should I relieve myself today?” I wonder as I admire the countless options. In a rush of awe and wonder I forget about my pet, just for a moment, and run off in no particular direction. This must be heaven, I think to myself. Once I’ve filled myself to the brim with joy (yet am coincidentally empty), we head back inside with a renewed zest for life.

Satisfied and content, I force a deep breath through my nose. I think I’ll take another nap.

My pet clamors to a standing position from her daytime resting spot which startles me mid-dream. She can be so clumsy and loud. From her resting spot she makes a pitter-pattering noise all day, using her rubbing mechanisms in a quite strange way. It used to baffle me at first but I now find it soothing, like a white noise lullaby. My pet is on the move! I follow her to our collective evening resting spot, so that I can take my place beside her. Of all the undeniably splendid parts of each day, this might be my favorite. “Rub me!” I demand as I expose my belly to my pet. She obliges, and full body euphoria ensues. I lose a battle to keep my eyelids open, and allow myself to surrender to the pleasure. Such an obedient pet, I think to myself. I reach for her rubbing mechanism to tell her she is a good girl the best way I know how, with my tongue. Good girl.

Okay, nap time.

We are eclipsed by darkness now and my pet calls me to come with her to our overnight resting spot. She lifts me to where we spend each night together. I remind her she is a good girl with my tongue once more.

I tuck my chin into my chest and drift back into sleep with ease, eager to do it all again tomorrow.