It’s not really contentment.

Well I don’t think it is anyway.

It’s not that i’m fine with what i have,

It’s that i understand that i don’t need more

I don’t deserve more

It’s not really that i’m greedy

That i want more constantly

It’s more like I’m hungry

starving

That I will always need more

It’s not really that I’m lazy

Never doing more than I need to

Just living a life that will pass in an instant

So what is the point in trying so hard?

When in the end

It won’t matter.

I can’t take my success with me into death.

And I can’t take my regret.

It’s just not worth the effort.

It’s not that I’m ignorant

I realize I’m gonna die

eventually

and i realize

that there’s not enough time

to do everything i want to do

but how can i be expected to just accept that?

how can i just accept that i can only be

one thing?

It’s not that i’m ready to die

But I understand that nothing i do

_Nothing_

will matter.

Not really,

people try to combat that argument with

“well you are helping people now”

but they don’t understand that they don’t really matter either

They are just making life different for the next generation

and the next

and the next

and the next

and it will continue until we as the human race go extinct.

And then,

none of it will matter

It’s not that I don’t have passion

I do

but I have too many

How do I choose?

I want to be an artist

living in Venice and drinking wine and looking over a sunlit peninsula

I want to be a writer

in a cabin in the woods of switzerland looking over the snowy plains

I want to go to a high university and soeak greek and act like the world is still like back in ancient times

I want to play sports

I want to learn languages

I want to learn about people

what makes them, them?

what makes me, me?

I want to live a hundred lives

with a hundred different friends and family.

I want to be loved

I want to be revered

I want to be everything

I just don’t have enough time

It’s not that we can’t survive as we are

sometimes that’s the point

to just soak it up

and try to live the lifes we were given