Im scared I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die

Not yet

Please God Not yet

I’m not ready

I haven’t done enough I wasted my time Sitting staring at a screen

I wanted to learn

Learn everything

Poems History Math Art Language

Everything

And I wanted to love And be loved In a way more that friendship To be held and to be chosen

I wanted to love

Make my mark Make some kind lf difference

Not just fade out With nothing to show

Please I’m not ready yet I need more time

I need more time

Please I don’t want to die

I’m scared

A star from the night sky
tracing constalations on my back

An angel from the heavens Weaving love in the places I lack

The sun and the moon shining on me

Cupids radiant smile you’re making me everything i want to be

You look And see You hear And listen

Too beautiful Blurring my vision

Feels to good to be true Maybe i’m dead

Even so I’ll love you forever
My goddess in a mortal bed

When I first saw you I knew
You are perfect
Nothing marring your beauty

And it was up to me to make you amazing Live up to your potential I am your guide

Teaching you to live your life When I barely know how to live mine

Teaching all my mistakes Sharing all of my trauma

Your eyes look at me Glistening peaceful

Will it be tamped out by this broken world? I pray not

I’m not ready Will I ever be ready?

Please look me in the eyes and tell me I haven’t ruined you

-Good Morning America- Today is the first time in months that we've looked up Staring at the ground Too preoccupied in our precious lives to look up and see around us Oblivious

-Good Morning America- Someone wake our Nation up tell us to look around take it all in What are you gonna do about it?

-Good Morning America- How long are you gonna wait? sit by watch watch as the scenes play what a strange movie to watch from afar

-Good Morning America-
It hasn't touched you yet Or that's what you believe It couldn't happen to us next Why interfere? Selfish

-Good Morning America- 1 2 3 hundred thousand million deaths that you could have changed

-WAKE UP AMERICA- This isn't a movie It's not gonna go away Its not far off in the distance Look around What will it take? How many? How Long?

Its almost too late

Wake up America

Tell me a happy story Please

One to get away from it all

Tell me something magical beautiful

Something far away from here

Tell me something real Honest

Something almost to good to be true

Tell me a happy story please A prince and a princess A beginning and and ending
A happily ever after

The clouds are grey here Dark Brooding Sad

There’s still anger, resentment, frustration, fury, desperation, hunger, sadness, pity,

love

Here

And it’s all too much

So tell me a happy story please As I fade into the sky

A happy story Please

And when i’m gone

Maybe

In that way

It’s a happy ending for both of us

People are talking Inside my head Screaming Screaming Screaming I can’t hear myself think

And yet the doctors say it’s fine It’s a figment of my imagination

Thoughts are pouncing in every conversation every thing I say every interaction i have with anyone

And yet The doctors say i’m fine

My legs and arms keep shaking Chaos to keep the calm always moving to stay still for you

The doctors say i’m fine though

I can’t control myself anymore My mind controls me and my body and yet My mind isn’t me anymore My mind has a gun My mind has a knife My mind doesn’t want to use it But they will if they must

The doctors say i’m getting better though Just a few side effects

But when i’m dead on the floor And my lifeless eyes are screaming for freedom You’ll know i wasn’t fine And you’ll know that this All of this Is because everything you didn’t do

My feet are clinging to the ice Every step harder than the last

Only a little further Till i’m there Til I’m home

The cold is biting at my ears nose eyes

Every inhalation A fight That i’m not winning

But Only a little further Till i’m there Til I’m home

Heading towards the center The cracks at my feet leading me

Cold air billows from my lungs Making another cloud in front of me

I’m trembling And the tears streaking down my face are Thick and frozen

Only a little further Till i’m there Til I’m home

I’m almost at the center

Almost to you

Almost to your open arms

I see it then

The hole in the ice The cracks surrounding it

Only a little further

Til I’m home

I take one step then another

Flashbacks bombarding me if a cold night like this weeks ago

You didn’t choose your fate
But i’m choosing mine

I strip off my jacket first then my gloves hat boots shirt socks pants

Folding all of them neatly by the side By skin is prickly with goose bumps Purple with the cold

I can almost feel you over me wrapping me in your arms

But your not there yet Not yet

Only a little further

Til I’m home

I dip my toes in

The cold is paralyzing I can do this

You’re waiting

And i love you

I slip in Letting the dark water envelope my body take me down down down down

I’m coming

Love me

And make me feel warm again

——————————

kind of a long one sorry 😅

Help

             Help
             Help
             Help
             Help
             Help

     There’s no air 

I’m stuck Suffocating Forced to be here As by lungs Burst And bruise

Trying to cling to
air life all of the above

My head it touching the cool metal as i’m pushed against it I try to focus As my whole body screams

Help

Please please please please Help

I promise i will do better If you give me this chance Help me get out

Bubbles float around me Dots spin in my eyes

Then A Yanking on my hair

Pulling me out of the wet the darkness

I’m gasping curling and retching on to the tiled floor

Im alive I’m

I’m

I’m Alive

There’s a body A dead body blood spilt on the floor next to me Metallic like the sink I was in seconds before

There’s a man standing over me asking if i’m alright How do i tell him i’m not? How do i tell him that i will never be again?

The balance between good and bad

The fight between caring and uncaring

A choice defining us

A moment in time

A grade

An action

All small in the scheme of things

But they mean so much

Be careful
Ever so careful What you do on a day to day hour to hour minute to minute second to second

Everything adds up Creating who you are

You look back and everything’s changed Because time tics forward even when you do not

And i love And i run And i hide And I hunger And i cry And i move And i hate And i adore
And i weep

For this life was not made for someone like me

I choose to listen And to obey

Chasing fleeting moments Where happiness is mine, only to decay

The big picture is getting smaller And my life is moving on

And i keep feeling these emotions Why is it such a con?

Hurting me Leaving me helpless

To say goodbye myself And turn away feeling disgust plus

Every freaking emotion turning against me

Just let me feel empty Just let me be

Sitting here crying as the night turns into day

Because this world wasn’t meant for people like me I never belonged here anyway