The past year has really handed my ass to me. I started the year wanting a kiss from a boy I had no real feelings for and I don’t understand why. It’s not like we were a match made from the heavens or anything, we hooked up one time and never talked about it. I did hope I could know what he was thinking considering he started and managed the entire thing. But maybe that is what my problem is, I always try to see how other people are feeling about me in stead of the reverse. I always try to like everyone but sometimes I really do not like people. In 2019 I learned I am way to friendly for someone who does not like everyone in the first interaction and it’s simply because they might be of use to me later. It’s good to meet people but is it good to not be yourself because you don’t want them to know that part of you?

In 2019 I traveled to Europe for the first of what I hope to be many times and it changed how I saw the world. I saw how peaceful you can really be, even if you aren’t that confident in your actions or language . It was so exciting and mysterious to just wonder and find my next step as I was taking my current. I then came back and proceeded to have the best summer of my life (so far). There I learned how true friends do behave and watch a group of friends be the best friends they could be for each other. I quickly learned that being an adult is more than just having a job and going to it. It’s cleaning after yourself and sometimes for others, it’s helping people when they are down and when you are to,it’s considering other people while still focusing on what is gonna make you happy. This is the type of behavior I want to carry into 2020.

The best and worst thing I did for myself this year was like someone that did not like me back. It was something I knew p, but could not bring myself to fully realize. I thought about him everyday as if we were the perfect couple waiting to happen, when in reality we’re we acquaintances becoming friends. It took so much of my mental strength and tumor analyzing his actions and trying to fit a puzzle together that said he liked me. I still don’t know if he did a and that’s doesn’t sit well with me but I also don’t want to reopen that chapter of the year. All I can do is look back and kick myself for being so odd about the situation. It was not a crush I enjoyed having and I wore it like a burden. It was sad and I wish I put didn’t happen, but it did and that’s something I learned to except.

2020 will be different.