A girl from the woods goes to a city. She finds money is different in the two places. Not in its value but in it’s use. At home everything is small or broken down things are cheaper and have a dull appearance to them. In the city, things are shiny and sparkly; they glisten in the sunlight. As the girl explored both worlds she found saving money in the city to be difficult. She worked day after day to make money only to spend it all my the end of the week. She grew tired of the routine. So instead she stopped spending money at all. But little did she know the craving to spend was subject to change. When she went back to the woods she spent all her money. After she got ho e and looked at her haul she took a breath. “It’s not the places or the money I need to worry about, it’s the impulse and lack of self control.” After that day she decided it was time to get a budgeting app and spend wisely wherever she went.
It is January 1st 2020. And in 2019 I: Travelled to Europe for the first time Went to San Diego for the first time Went to Canada for the first time Spent my first summer away from home and had the time of my life Had my first internship Had my first semester off campus and in a house without my parents Changed my major.. and minor Died from alcohol for the worst time to date Joined a sorority and went to my first date party Asked for boys Snapchat and flirted at bars for the first time Failed a class for the first time Got denied from internships Made many plans I didn’t follow through on Had crushes and got friend zoned Felt too self conscious to make myself known Hid, lied, gossiped Questioned my friendships and grew distant from people Cried in my room and made others cry too Pissed people off without knowing. And being fully aware Loss weight. Gained weight. Starved. Fasted. Did things I’m not proud of and things I am.
It’s January 1st 2020 And in 2020 I plan to: Find some self esteem and care about myself more Put my feelings before others Be unapologetically myself Ask questions when I’m confused and answer questions when I’m not Travel with friends and family Lose weight naturally/ test my mental and physical limits of healthy dieting Ask James Remo to date party. Or any boy I choose Talk to my friends when I feel upset Stop making myself so upset Stop obsessing on what people think or say Comfort people when they are down Tell jokes and talk more Stop trusting everyone Keep things to myself sometimes Don’t let jealousy or envy ruin my relationships Don’t let small problems get to me Get another tattoo/piercing Study abroad in Greece Go on interviews and be accepted from jobs and internships Take care of my mind, body, and soul Go to church when I feel like it Ask someone on a date Make the first move Judge people less Write and create more Work hard for things I want and deserve Budget better Be a better sister, daughter, housemate, and friend Be more aware of the world around me Surround myself with peers that will grow with me Do things that I am proud of and stop focusing on the things I’m not
This year will be special because I will make it so.
The past year has really handed my ass to me. I started the year wanting a kiss from a boy I had no real feelings for and I don’t understand why. It’s not like we were a match made from the heavens or anything, we hooked up one time and never talked about it. I did hope I could know what he was thinking considering he started and managed the entire thing. But maybe that is what my problem is, I always try to see how other people are feeling about me in stead of the reverse. I always try to like everyone but sometimes I really do not like people. In 2019 I learned I am way to friendly for someone who does not like everyone in the first interaction and it’s simply because they might be of use to me later. It’s good to meet people but is it good to not be yourself because you don’t want them to know that part of you? In 2019 I traveled to Europe for the first of what I hope to be many times and it changed how I saw the world. I saw how peaceful you can really be, even if you aren’t that confident in your actions or language . It was so exciting and mysterious to just wonder and find my next step as I was taking my current. I then came back and proceeded to have the best summer of my life (so far). There I learned how true friends do behave and watch a group of friends be the best friends they could be for each other. I quickly learned that being an adult is more than just having a job and going to it. It’s cleaning after yourself and sometimes for others, it’s helping people when they are down and when you are to,it’s considering other people while still focusing on what is gonna make you happy. This is the type of behavior I want to carry into 2020. The best and worst thing I did for myself this year was like someone that did not like me back. It was something I knew p, but could not bring myself to fully realize. I thought about him everyday as if we were the perfect couple waiting to happen, when in reality we’re we acquaintances becoming friends. It took so much of my mental strength and tumor analyzing his actions and trying to fit a puzzle together that said he liked me. I still don’t know if he did a and that’s doesn’t sit well with me but I also don’t want to reopen that chapter of the year. All I can do is look back and kick myself for being so odd about the situation. It was not a crush I enjoyed having and I wore it like a burden. It was sad and I wish I put didn’t happen, but it did and that’s something I learned to except. 2020 will be different.
