For years, I doubted myself.

My strength, my confidence, and my ability to adapt to change.

I did not stay because that is what I wanted,

I stayed because I didn't think I was capable

Didn't think I was deserving

Didn't think life had more to offer.

I took the harsh words and the loneliness

While crying alone in the bathroom.

But one spark of courage landed me in a sea of change.

The clarity that comes with standing alone

In an apartment parking lot

In the pitch black

With nothing but the stars and a few lamp posts

Reaching through the dense fog

And lighting my way to the trash can.

Funny enough that is exactly what I did-

Took out the trash that is.

And the clarity that comes with that realization

Is almost unnerving.

A year ago, I would have never believed you if you told me

That I would find the courage to leave;

Something I told myself wasn't possible for a decade.

But as I walk the foggy path to the trash can

Surrounded by strangers in an apartment building

I am thankful for my new, strange life

The strange life that has me sharing a bed with

Someone who was a perfect stranger nine months ago

But now I simply couldn't exist without him.

Someone who provides me a source of stability

Amongst the sea of uncertainty and change.

You see, without my one brave moment

I would have missed another decade with my

Soul mate.

And that,

That is the clarity that comes

After ten long and painful years

While taking the trash out

In a pink peacoat

In the fog

In your apartment

In your new life-

The new life that you love.