STORY STARTER
Submitted by Arnold Carroway
Write a scene that takes place in mid air.
It could be from anyone, or anything's, perspective.
Still Learning to Land
I didn't realize it was happening, to be honest. Well, no, I - I guess it's more accurate to say I didn't realize its severity. I didn't understand the speed at which I was launching, the strength with which I was gripping the grocery bags. I didn't notice my knee twisting, my left hand uselessly groping the air.
All I knew was that the stairwell had shifted unexpectedly. Walled frames had somehow scattered across the ceiling. The guardrail snuck behind my back.
There was no strong emotion. No fear, no guilt. No wondering, no regretting, no flashes back or forward. It was as if my spine had sprouted wings searching sky.
Blame it on the new combat boots. Blame it on a tired inner ear. Blame it on some unrelated character flaw. The doctors certainly have.
I care not for scapegoats. All that unintelligible bleating. There's reason in compassion.
Can you blame a pair of eager feet so passionate for flight? For months and months they've stayed quite still. They've even been denied.
So far I've learned to sit and stand, still one day I'll learn how to land.
this was absolutely brilliant and a joy to read. my favorite part was “Blame it on the tires inner ear. Blame it on some unrelated character flaw. The doctors certainly have”
I like the repetition of "I didn't". It feels like continued denial of responsibility. Yet, the placement of "to be honest"—a form of admission, takes that responsibility right back! It turns it into a state of innocence.
First thought: It'd be nice to make a cut at "severity"... (longer than a full stop). Jury’s out.
I question "understand the speed": The first clause feels a little weighted. "launch" is great, but I'd rephrase that first bit or start the sentence with "I didn't understand the strength..." and finish to conclude the issue to be "speed" (rather than start—or launch into it (🤪) with speed, only to go on and explain the variations of...).
Perhaps my issue is "understand", or the phrase "with which I was" or 'my personal preference'.
Weight: The whole 'heaviness of the first paragraph adds to this 'head-fuzz' of confusion. Things didn’t compute. 🙌🏼⭐️
You continue to cover 'speed' over the next lines. Using "didn't notice", I can sense the passing of time. There's inference. "shifted unexpected" and other ‘word combinations’ also lend themselves to feelings of speed. For me, together, they imply it happened fast. The assumption of gravity dictates an 'all-happened-so-quickly' moment.
But then there were “no flashes…forward”. Those few words were enough to slow my thoughts. And now everything is in ’slower-motion’. As you can possibly tell, considering speed, tickled me. (Keep everything as is!)
"my left hand uselessly groping the air." 🙌🏼Sightless. ✨
I like the repetition of 'blame' and 'sense of denial'. Also, this tacked statement—telling: "The doctors certainly have." Denial of responsibility on their part, but also reveals patient mindset. ⭐️
I like very much that it's reflective. 😎
Ooooh, "still"—wordplay. 🤩
"There's reason in compassion" 💖
🔥Love reading your work HM... that bed of emotion—always feels as if you've touched truth to get there!🙌🏼👏🏼
(Thanks for sharing)
What tasty feedback my friend! 😍 I wrote the words as they came with little regard to sequence so I really like what you’ve pointed out about speed and all that jazz. Like a sort of nesting doll effect I’ll have to play around with sometime.
This event happened a month or so ago and while you weren’t there, reading this feels like you were! 😂 Thanks always for reading 🥳
😂…It’s your superb writing! Makes me feel like I am actually there!
“Nesting doll.” 🙌🏼
Was a treat to read you. Please write more. Today. And tomorrow. And… 🤣
Great to see you writing! How are you doing since last time!? Hope you’re well ❤️
Hey! Slowly working my way back 💜 I’m still recovering but I’m pretty independent at this point so I’m grateful! Thanks for checking in!
Love the take on this prompt!
Moments of genius for me:
“as if my spine had sprouted wings”
“Blame it on a tired inner ear” - golden ✨
“unintelligible bleating” - I need to find a way to squeeze a bleat into my writing. The connection to scapegoat was really quite creative! 🐐
“a pair of eager feet so passionate for flight”
Love the repetition of blame in that paragraph.
Crazy thought, what about “It was as if my spine had sprouted wings, scouting sky” to continue that lovely string of esses?
This was the most wondrous of tumbles!
Oooo I love the feedback! Your crazy thought isn’t crazy at all. I’d written that line a few times in search of flow 🤔 I do like the idea of finding slow with sound instead of syllable count. That could’ve saved some time 😂😂 Thanks friend!
