I no longer am afraid of the darkness; it brings some quiet from my crazy life but also my friend - I have been longing to see him.

His name is Ken, not because his name is actually Ken but because Death just seems too scary of a name, it's kind of stuck now as when I named him, I was five years old, and I was into Barbie - at one time I thought he was my boyfriend, to late to take that back. He is the stereotype big, tall guy in a black, wearing a very large black hoodie though - I can never see his face from the shadow. But even before I could talk, he was there, waiting patiently for me to come to the calm darkness - even though it would only be for a few minutes at a time. Sometimes it would be days, weeks, or months between visits. Since last visit it has been 9 months, 2 weeks, and 5 days!

I am on new medication for my heart which seem to be working, it likes to stop and give my parents their very own heart attacks - I am on the transplant list for a new heart, but I have been on it for as long as I remember! I am now 2nd in line to get a heart! While my parents stress, I know I get to see my friend and get some calm and space from the pills, hospital stays, and being homeschooled.

Ken doesn't talk much. I ask him questions and he answers with images and then I answer the question in return.

I know his favourite colour is dark green, he likes forests, likes pumpkin, hates tomato, enjoys a good coffee (I think - he shrugged but didn't say no), his favourite animal is a puppy, he seems to enjoy my music - he becomes 'lighter' when I sing.

Opening my eyes, I look around for Ken. I have beat him here for once. Sitting I wait, enjoying the quiet. This place is magic, so when I think of my favourite toys, they pop up here as well. Today I imagine my pens and paper. Before I had gotten halfway through drawing my picture, I can suddenly feel Ken. I look up and see him, I smile.

Normally Ken keeps his distance - we have never touched. Even when I have tried, he would vanish and turn up in another spot.

I frown, as he comes closer than normal. 'Ken?' I ask confused, standing up. It is my turn to back away.

He lifts his hand towards me, palm up, slowly coming towards me. I look at his hand, it looks so soft, just like mine. I want to touch it; I hesitate to put my hand in his. 'Why?" I ask in a small voice.

He stops, he tilts his head to the side, he surprises me by saying, 'Lottie, this time you don't get to go back.'