Look I don’t know where to start,But I’ll try. It’s beautiful, one of a kind, and Mine. I love how your face scrunches when your mad at me. I love the warmth that comes from your face. Then again those are many words and ways that most people would describe their loved ones. Things that make her different from them can’t be explained in words. When you look at me I tense up I can’t move. Your face gives off expressions that make me feel like unique. But there are days when I can’t even see how you feel.
Uhhhhh...... I woke up in my bed with a killer head ache.I told myself “Fuck, I can’t remember shit last night”. I got up and saw that my bible was out.I rushed over and put it away. Since the day of the incident I’ve never had the courage to use it again. “But why would I take it out now?” I thought. Only one other person knows about that and that person is a fucking skank. She’s the reason why I am what I am. I slowly start to remember tiny things last night. Drinks,drugs, and sex with her. “FUCK!” I slammed the counter. I then noticed a glass milk bottle and a bicycle tire as well that were in odd places. I picked up the bottle and smelled it. It reeked of alcohol and for some reason marijuana. Then I remember that I put my left over beer in there to sneak it out and smoked with her. I then went to the tire and I just couldn’t think of what happened with that. She all always like that weird kinky shit. I should text her what happen. But she’ll probably lie to me anyway.
Look I know I’m not a good person,a druggie,alcoholic, and a dealer. But another thing I am as well is a lover to my wife and kids. I know what I did is wrong but I don’t give a fuck(excuse me language) because what I did and what I’m willing to do is for them. There my life and I’m going to do whatever I can to help them. I love them. Without them I’m nothing. And I know that the defense is going to be like “well the wouldn’t want this. Blah blah blah.” I already know that and I still don’t care. I’m the bad in our family that brings good. So I have no feeling for this. Put me away.
I always wonder what it would be like if you were still here. Especially one a day like this. I would take you out for breakfast to your favorite place. You would get an omelette and a cup of coffee. I would ask you how you feel. And you’d respond like always with an “oh I feel the same. But imagine the sex now that I’m old” Then we would take walk and maybe place a cane if chess and just talk. I’d then make you lunch and we’d just sit there and eat. Then as the day comes to an end we’d go to your sons house and celebrate. You know everyday gets harder with out you. I miss you pickle. I love you. Happy birthday
