Alone I lie upon these shining sands The echoes of the ocean at my feet Away from all the beach-adoring fans The rising sun whispers she’ll stay with me.
Alone I dance with ever rising waves The salty breeze whips at my sunburnt skin Internal music running through my veins A better place my mind has ever been
Alone I sit as people soon arrive The shrieking children mimic seagulls’ call I kiss my solitary life goodbye I wave as waves behind me ever fall
Alone I walk from sweet serenity The sand, the waves, the wind, the calm, the beach.
The revelation Was my condemnation Was a realization One I didn’t need
I was somewhat surprised When I really realized I could open my eyes And see
Watched an arrow soar “You were such a bore,” Yet maybe you longed for more More than I longed for thee
My dreams weren’t pretend When reality ends My regards I will send Send it all for free
I’d pay any price Love will never suffice But I’d still take a slice “What is love’s fee?”
I sit and I wait One thing I now hate Was I doomed to such fate? Fate reserved for me
When love takes its toll A hearts contents unfold All that’s left is my soul Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy? Are you happy?
The world revolves around me Or so I like to believe Surely, if I died today The world would never be the same
The world revolves around you Something you might believe, too If you suddenly die tomorrow The world would fill with sorrow
The world like to play tricks They leave scars that tend to stick We think the world revolves around us “In this world, my life is a must.”
But without humanity, what would the world become? Who would be there to revolve around without anyone? Our brains may be cluttered with self-appreciation But the world must admit together we are a powerful creation.
Soon my feelings will reach Him somehow, and I dread the day.
~
It was late September, freshman year of high school, and I was the luckiest girl in the world.
“Maddie, luck is not real. There is no such thing.” My father said, shaking his head at my naivety.
The next day, my English teacher sat me right next to Him. Oh the seating chart… I think it made both him and I want to cry out. (Me out of joy, him out of sorrow) Did she know how I felt? I doubt it. Regardless, that was the day I could’ve won the biggest lottery of all, and my mood not raise any higher. Take the happiest word you know, and sulk because it couldn’t describe me.
Skip a few months, and I was bursting at the seams with bad ideas. Our seats wouldn’t be changed for another few weeks, and me being me, I ignored this. I’m not really sure what response He was going to give me, but I didn’t care. The morning of my inevitable demise, I dressed up the best I possibly could. Maybe if He saw how pretty I was, He would magically fall in love. It was simplistic, just as I’d imagine it to be. “Hey, so I’ve.. I’ve liked you for a while now. It’s fine if you don’t feel the same; I needed to get it off my chest.” It’s funny now, how un-fine it was. “Oh.. I’m really sorry. I think it’d be better if we were just friends, y’know?” I didn’t know. Most people expect rejection. They prepare for it, they plan it, they are ready when it hits them. I did all these things, but deep inside, I wasn’t ready for rejection at all. The second the words poured out of my mouth, I wanted to snatch them back and never let them escape again. Part of me still cringes at it, and I can boldly state that I would trade my soul to redo that day. Quit without saving. Restart the level.
It’s horrifying, and the worst part? It never happened, and I vow I will never tell Him.
I think you know. I could see it in your eyes. The confusion when I purposefully missed you, multiple times. The fear in mine when you purposefully didn’t miss me, knowing I couldn’t fight back. Do you know the predicament I’m in? It’s agonizing, and it’s all your fault. I think that if my Momma saw what I was doing, she would laugh and laugh. Laugh at my inability to even be a decent villain. Laugh at the fact that every single thing I do is to impress you. (You did look a tad impressed when I caught your throwing knife) ((((before I ‘mistakenly’ dropped it in front of you. Heh.)))) But anyways, she always found stuff like that funny. I miss her a bit. In a few days, I plan on setting a bomb in some government building. It’ll be one easy to defuse… not that I doubt your ability to stop it. You could probably stop anything that I tried to do, but then again, I haven’t been trying very hard. The good thing about where I’m gonna plant the bomb: it’s on the roof, and there’s a little ledge on a nearby building, a PERFECT place for me to wait. When you show up, I can start some verbal-battle between us. We are going to have a FULFILLING CONVERSATION! I genuinely look forward to it. The bad thing about this: when we battle it out, I have to be extra careful. If I threw you off the roof, I would throw myself off too right then and there. On the other hand, you would throw ME of the roof without hesitation. Now, THAT would make Momma laugh. You’re impossible. I don’t even know why I try. If I could, I’d rip out my heart and destroy my feelings for you. But I can’t rip my heart out! I’d never be able to see you again! Gosh, writing that makes me wanna swallow the bomb I’m planting later. I can’t stand myself.
2:43 am, March 3rd, 2051
We are constantly searching Searching for a clue “If I can’t find the answer, Oh, what will I ever do?”
We are constantly looking Looking in the past “The solution isn’t the future, For it is always called upon last.”
We are constantly growing Growing out of touch “Friendship seemed once priceless, But naivety isn’t worth much.”
We are constantly turning Turning our heads away “Becoming a bystander is preferable, To a victim any day.”
We are constantly changing Changing for good and bad “I am changing for an answer, One I’ll surely, eventually have.”
But once we realize the empty loss Loss not worth an unbeknownst fact When, “No stone left unturned, No promises left intact.”
I wake with a start. My Mommy is shaking me, yelling for me to pack my things. Pack, and pack fast. Instantly, my nerves start to buzz. “Where are we going?” I ask, sitting up. We have to leave, leave, leave now. She pauses briefly to look at me. Fear. I don’t get an answer, but I realize that wherever we are going is very important to be packing so urgently. I throw some clothes into a half-filled suitcase, barely having the chance to think things out. No, no, no, only get what’s important. We need to leave, leave, leave. I am starting to breathe as heavily as Mommy now. I don’t know why she’s acting like this. Daddy bursts through the door. He’s breathing heavily, too. We need to go. I zip up my suitcase, hauling it out of the house. As Daddy shoves it in the trunk, I remember. “What about Zuzu? We cant leave Zuzu here all alone!” Zuzu will be fine. She has enough food in her bowl to last. Once everything is packed up, Daddy floors the gas. We are going many, many miles over the limit, but I don’t think he cares. He turns up the radio with shaky hands. “-asteroid larger than Russia beginning to close in, hurtling towards our planet at increasingly concerning speeds. NASA reports that it’s on a clear course towards Earth, and it seems like there is only about 10 minutes before impact. Is this the end of the world?” The car becomes deathly silent as the radio stops. I’m afraid to ask the question. “Mommy, where… where are we going?” Away. Tears slip down my cheeks. The end of the world? How are we supposed to go away from that? Is everyone going to die? I can’t comprehend it. Everyone in the car is crying. Mommy’s body is racking with sobs, and Daddy is weeping, still driving to nowhere. Somehow, there is no traffic on the highway. Has everyone already accepted their fate? We left Zuzu at home. Zuzu is gone forever. Everyone will be gone forever. Somehow, it is the former that shatters my heart. I feel the billions of pieces stabbing into my lungs, my stomach, my brain. I cannot think straight anymore. I want to go back to Zuzu. Even when the asteroid hits, I want to be with my little corgi forever. I don’t even wanna be with my friends at school, or my smiling teachers, or the kind faces at the grocery store. I don’t think I could if I tried. They had their own families to be with. “Daddy… why are you driving? Where are we supposed to go?” Silence. Mind-numbing, all-consuming, never ending silence. 10 minutes must have passed by now. Funny, it kinda feels like 10 years have passed by now. I never even made it to my 10th birthday. I never made it. A sound, one that makes you jump, it’s so loud. It’s the loudest sound in the world. It’s the last thing I hear, driving to nowhere. I wake with a start.
Except for me, of course. I noticed, and I take pride in the fact that you did too. You walk up to one nearby, peering at it closely. Once you realize that it’s clearly fake, you look around at other tourists, wondering if you’re dreaming. Confused eyes convey unspoken questions. I want to answer them; I want to answer every question you have. I slink farther into the shadows. For someone who noticed the fakes so easily, I wonder how you don’t notice me as well. I’ve been watching you far longer than you’ve been in this sham of a museum.