you called me late at night

i was too tired to answer

your mom called me the morning

after you couldn’t fight it any longer

i couldn’t move or face it

the love you give, no one can replace it

i’ll just go to your house

kiss you in the hallway

like none of this happened

but i can’t do that.

it did happen,

and it was all becoming real....

i’m breaking as you break the glasses

on the floor by my feet

i’m shaking as you shake my mother’s ashes

i’ve fallen to my knees

it’s taken everything i’ve lived for

to not take everything from you

ill just lay in this bed, fear for the next morning with you

i wake up to the sound

of rain on the ground

i look all around

you can’t be found

i get up from our bed

the sheets a bloody mess

i wonder...

every day repeats itself

like a book on the shelf

that i keep rereading

yearning for an answer

to my undying desire

the more i reach the more i end up bleeding

if i stain your hands red,

would it make you want them instead?

i don’t want to see you leaving

my bones are broken and sharp

as i try to heal they only do harm

why are you already grieving?

i bandage myself up

i drink again from that...

**_

_****_I step outside after the rain, my bare feet sinking into the freshly watered ground. The purple smoke swirls silently, pulling me toward it with an eerie calm. Each step I take is a new hope, a new dawn. The closer I get, the more I believe in the promise this color holds. But as I reach it, I realize—it's just smoke. The hope was never real to begin with. _**...

as the water creeps up

it almost takes me over

i move my legs just enough

to keep me going forward

i try to go fast enough

not turning around to it

it chases faster faster faster

i swim swim swim

it take my limbs

one at a time

until i turn around

it wasn’t just in my mind

i look the monster dead in the eyes

it looks right at

me, the more i run for my life

the more it fights back

i have to sta...