I noticed you from a distance

I never thought much

But now

Up close

Your kinda cute

Your cheeks all rosy

Your hair cut short

Your cute laugh

I know your a bit older

But I can’t get you off my mind

And it might just be a friend crush thing

Or it might be more

I don’t really want it to be more

But the flutters decide otherwise

So I’ll just have to see where it leads...

How it came to this

I don’t really know

But sitting in the accused

Is my depression monster

He used to be so small

And quiet

Only as small and innocent

As a toddler

Now he towers over everyone

Yelling and screaming

And not letting anyone or anything

Come through

Never would I have thought

He would get this bad

This

E

V

I

L

But here he is

Tied to the chair

Screaming at me to die

...

How would it feel to live in the clouds?

With the sky so blue

And the clouds so full of bloom

Like cotton candy

I’d jump around from cloud to cloud

Bouncing on a magical trampoline

Avoiding the pockets that open towards the sun

And then I’d lay in the endless heaps of puff

Letting myself sink into sweet pillowy dreams

It’s feel like heaven

A paradise

The calm in a world filled with chaos

It’...

There’s too many ideas spiraling in my brain

I can’t decide where to put them

Do I put them in a book?

In a poem?

A letter?

Or a song?

What do I want to portray?

What do I want others to hear?

Cause putting my ideas somewhere

Let’s myself come free

So, what do I say next?...

Forgiveness

One of the hardest things to do

Especially when you know

The other was in the wrong

I don’t know if I will ever

Be able to forgive you for

What happened in the past

Don’t worry, I’ve tried

But maybe looking at the positives

The good outcomes from you

Maybe that would help…

Let’s see

Without you

I never would’ve gone to devils

Without you

I never would’ve reconnected with...

Yet

Such a small word

But it possesses so much meaning

It can change the entire perspective

Shift it from impossible

To something just within reach

By changing it

It gives this sense of motivation

A sense of resilience

I can’t do this

Yet

I’m not better

Yet

I can reach my goal

Not today

Not tomorrow

But with the power of yet

I know I can...

If only it wasn’t so rejected

So rejected from society

Apparently it’s not normal

But also

What is?

I wish I could by my true self

Around my parents, family, friends

So I don’t have to hide

And have this secret

This forbidden secret

That I would be disowned if she knew

So what if I’m bisexual

So what if it’s weird

It’s me

What’s the problem with that?

You’re right

There is none

But if she knew...

I miss the times when my thoughts were overthrown

With thoughts of her

Not with thoughts of wanting to be dead

She would take over my brain for hours

With scenarios

Dreams

Hopes

Wishes

Now instead of her my thoughts are with suicide

Life

Death

Blade

I wish I could go back

To my sane mind

I need to go back

Please?...

One

Two

Three

Four

Five

Six scars

Just one more

It won’t hurt anything

At night the scars come out

Get evaluated

And end up getting more companions

To then do that process all over again the next night

With the cold sharp blade

That solves all the problems

Just for those quick moments of adrenaline

Everything goes away

I can’t stop

Some part of a scar always has to be there

To be noticed

Cause I...

My friends are like my rope

And I am the climber

My only source of life

Surrounded by a void

If the rope snaps and falls

So does the climber

Both of them falling

With no good resolution

But

If the climber loses their grip

And falls

The rope will stay

Slightly strained

But positioned

As if in honor of the fallen climber

So if I fall

Please stay

In honor of me...